Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #parents #schools

In the present day several kids

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

have a

dementrial

Correct your spelling

dementia

style

life

The

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Schooling and family both have the function to resolve

this

question. I totally agree that

School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

and fathers have the obligation

with

Change preposition

show examples

their pupils

for

Change preposition

show examples

a better

life

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

style

Firstly

, leading with the issue

startes

Correct your spelling

starts

started

at home with their parents, and the best way to solve

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is teaching their children how to have a

behavier

Correct your spelling

behaviour

food

and a

goog

Correct your spelling

good

show examples

ways to have a

life

sytle

Correct your spelling

style

This

method will ensure that most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

kids can initiate a healthy

life

at home.

For example

, if most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

parents

Add an article

the parents

show examples

educate

your

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

children

sinced

Correct your spelling

since

they are young, show

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them that industrial

food

or fast

food

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is not good for their

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

and

also

teaching

Wrong verb form

teach

show examples

them the importance of

Wrong verb form

doing

show examples

physical exercise it is good

habits

Fix the agreement mistake

habit

show examples

necessary to have a prosperity

life

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

style

and can give them a less healthy problem in the future.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

encouraging their children from home is the best way

for

Change preposition

show examples

their healthy

life

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

style

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

the

futurity

Replace the word

future

show examples

. Another point to consider is that schools need to be connected with a good education at

school

therefore

less junk

food

in the canteens of the

school

For example

, the Schooling need to implement the

mesure

Correct your spelling

message

Add an article

the seller

a seller

show examples

seller

Replace the word

sell

show examples

in their canteens more fresh

food

, no more unhealthy like pizza or

hamburguer

Correct your spelling

hamburger

this

kind of consumption

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is not good for the body

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

also

encouraged

Wrong verb form

encourage

show examples

their pupils to do regular physical exercise in the grade

school

. In conclusion, my point of view

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is that parents and schooling need to be linked together for the easiest way to provide a healthy

life

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

style

for their kids.

Submitted by ariannynani on Mon Jan 15 2024

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structure

The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be developed further to effectively frame the essay.

support

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to this main point. Avoid general statements and provide concrete examples to support your argument.

task response

The response to the task is incomplete, and the ideas provided are somewhat relevant but underdeveloped. Work on fully addressing the prompt by exploring the extent of agreement and providing detailed explanations and examples.

cohesion

The written piece demonstrates a need for improved cohesion between ideas and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as linking words to improve the flow of information and clearly connect points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen or pencil. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As technology advances, traveling to space is likely to become an option for holidaysmakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?

Some people think that news has no connection with people’s lives; so it is a waste of time to read newspapers and watch television news programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?