Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In the present day several kids
they
have a Correct pronoun usage
apply
dementrial
Correct your spelling
dementia
style
life
. The
Schooling and family both have the function to resolve Correct article usage
apply
this
question. I totally agree that School
and fathers have the obligation Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
with
their pupils Change preposition
to
for
a better Change preposition
to
life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
style
.
Firstly
, leading with the issue startes
at home with their parents, and the best way to solve Correct your spelling
starts
started
this
it
is teaching their children how to have a Correct pronoun usage
apply
behavier
Correct your spelling
behaviour
food
and a goog
ways to have a Correct your spelling
good
life
sytle
. Correct your spelling
style
This
method will ensure that most of
kids can initiate a healthy Change preposition
apply
life
at home. For example
, if most of
Change preposition
apply
parents
educate Add an article
the parents
your
children Correct pronoun usage
their
sinced
they are young, show Correct your spelling
since
to
them that industrial Change preposition
apply
food
or fast food
it
is not good for their Correct pronoun usage
apply
body
and Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
also
teaching
them the importance of Wrong verb form
teach
do
physical exercise it is good Wrong verb form
doing
habits
necessary to have a prosperity Fix the agreement mistake
habit
life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
style
and can give them a less healthy problem in the future. However
encouraging their children from home is the best way Add a comma
However,
for
their healthy Change preposition
to
life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
style
fo
the Correct your spelling
for
futurity
.
Another point to consider is that schools need to be connected with a good education at Replace the word
future
school
, therefore
less junk food
in the canteens of the school
. For example
, the Schooling need to implement the mesure
to Correct your spelling
message
Add an article
the seller
a seller
seller
in their canteens more fresh Replace the word
sell
food
, no more unhealthy like pizza or hamburguer
Correct your spelling
hamburger
this
kind of consumption it
is not good for the bodyCorrect pronoun usage
apply
,
and Remove the comma
apply
also
encouraged
their pupils to do regular physical exercise in the grade Wrong verb form
encourage
school
.
In conclusion, my point of view it
is that parents and schooling need to be linked together for the easiest way to provide a healthy Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
style
for their kids.Submitted by ariannynani on
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structure
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be developed further to effectively frame the essay.
support
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to this main point. Avoid general statements and provide concrete examples to support your argument.
task response
The response to the task is incomplete, and the ideas provided are somewhat relevant but underdeveloped. Work on fully addressing the prompt by exploring the extent of agreement and providing detailed explanations and examples.
cohesion
The written piece demonstrates a need for improved cohesion between ideas and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as linking words to improve the flow of information and clearly connect points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite