IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some say that the standard of behavior among children has worsened and that this is their parents’ fault; others say that schools are to blame. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#say #behavior #children #parents’ #fault #schools
Nowadays, many factors have resulted in
changes
 in the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
children
. Many argue that
parents
 are more responsible for the
changes
 in their
children
's lives and
on the other hand
, others believe it is the fault of the study background in schools.
However
, I believe schools are much more accountable for these effects, and through
this
 essay, I am going to discuss both views and justify my opinion. First and foremost, every parent expects the betterment of their offspring's lives. So, whatever they are doing, it is to make their lives successful.
As a result
, the majority of
parents
 are busy with their professions to earn money to uplift their family and
this
 may cause a bit negligence of in their
children
.
Moreover
,
children
 may take advantage of
this
 freedom unnecessarily,
for instance
, when
parents
 are away from home they might tend to play aggressive and violent video games and watch unsuitable content for their ages on mobile phones or computers.
Nevertheless
, for all those facts, it is unfair to blame directly to the
parents
 as they are happening unintentionally.
However
, when a child is at school, he or she can meet different types of peers from various backgrounds.
For example
, some can be from wealthy families with perfect qualities, but others may be from shanties with poor and wasted etiquette.
Furthermore
, most of the students who are less experienced in society can't filter the good and bad things, especially when they are in the primary stages of school.
As a result
, they try to imitate others and the outcome would be the worst. As an example, if one college mate is using addictive substances there is a big chance that their friend is
also
 consuming them because of the friendship. In conclusion, even though some people believe that parent interactions cause damage to the
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
changes
 of their offspring, I'm stating that study environments in educational institutions are making a great impact on
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
changes
.
Submitted by hasi13r on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the logical flow of ideas is maintained throughout the essay. Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences and the following sentences should support the topic sentence effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the topic and your standpoint, but also aim to make them succinct and powerful to make a lasting impact.
coherence cohesion
When presenting main points, provide deeper insights and elaborate with more substantial examples and explanations to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
Address the task by discussing both views thoroughly and providing a clear opinion in the conclusion. Ensure all parts of the prompt are answered comprehensively.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas that progress logically from one to the next. Avoid general statements by delving into more specificity to enrich the reader's understanding of your perspectives.
task achievement
Incorporate specific, relevant examples to lend weight to your arguments. Each main point should be supported by evidence or illustrations that are directly connected to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!