Some parents think that children should do extracurricular activities. Others think that this will give them pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Although
it is often that children
ought to have extracurriucular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
extra-curricular
activities
after school hours, other people think that they may lead them to be under pressure. In my opinion, I consider that extracuricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
activities
help children
learn new skills
.
On the one hand, some people think that children
who take part in extracurricular activities
often improve a certain skill, and I agree. In other words
, by joining such
activities
, students can greatly develop their social skills
. This
is due to
the fact that most of the activities
are performed in groups, which gives children
enough opportunities to socialize with other peers and improve their communication skills
, which can clearly help them in the future. Another great thing is that when children
participate in these activities
, they can be in shape. For instance
, students who are actively involved in sports will clearly have a healthy body, unlike students who only focus on academic subjects.
On the other hand
, some parents worry that extracurricular activities
can overwhelm the
kids and put them under pressure. Change the word
their
That is
to say, children
will be exhausted because they are given homework to be completed daily, and if they join extracurricular activities
, they will not be able to have enough rest in the evening, and because of this
, they will end up sleeping late in order to complete their task. Furthermore
, some children
will suffer from health issues because of a lack of rest. This
will cause them to not be able to focus on their lessons in the class effectively.
To sum up
, while
people may vary in their own opinion, I think that children
who are involved in extracurricular activities
can develop their social skills
and stay healthy. It is therefore
essential for every parent to encourage their children
to join these activities
.Submitted by s_syedy on
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Task Achievement
Introduce both viewpoints in the introduction more clearly to immediately set the stage for your essay. This helps readers understand the arguments that will be discussed.
Task Achievement
Expand your conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed and reinforcing your opinion. Make sure it reflects the complexity and depth of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly, ensuring the essay flows well from one section to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize paragraphs more effectively by having distinct topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.