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Band 3

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s live To what extent do ypu agree or disagree with this statement

#aim #science #people’s #ypu
Many
people
 think that the essential goal of science
should
Verb problem
is to
show examples
 upgrade
human’s
Change noun form
human
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 lives. I strongly agree with
this
 statement based on the reasons that science holds a big role in
Correct article usage
the work
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work space
Correct your spelling
workspace
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, in terms of salary, and having high knowledge will encourage
people
 to have permanent jobs.
To begin
 with,
Education
 plays an extremely important role in
people
Change noun form
people's
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 lives. Without having
qualified
Correct article usage
a qualified
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education
people
 tend to have unfortunate
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, because, nowadays, the level of income depends on the jobs and positions.
Therefore
, youngsters want to pursue their
education
 as high as they can. It is evidenced in many countries
which
Correct word choice
where
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in
Change preposition
apply
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there are many requirements requiring job seekers to have at least
Correct article usage
a bachelor
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bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
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 degree. In terms of responsibility,
people
 who have enough knowledge, tend to be able to tackle problems
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and be given big responsibilities.
This
 leads to the trust to do big projects and
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 that can impact their lives. Directly, it will improve their economic and social
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 which in
this
people
 will be trusted to manage crucial events.
Therefore
, they will obtain a permanent job and many companies need them. Having
permanent
Add an article
a permanent
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 job can guarantee
people
’s
live
Replace the word
lives
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. To recapitulate, by having enough science
people
 will have opportunities to achieve good
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 in
workspace
Add an article
the workspace
a workspace
show examples
 and will increase their income, and
people
 with high
education
 will lead
people
 to obtain the trust of the boss.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay needs a clearer overall structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Ideas should be developed more logically with better transitions and cohesive devices.
Task Response
There is a need to address the task more completely by expanding upon the ideas presented and to offer a more nuanced argument. Each main point should be supported with relevant, specific examples, which are currently lacking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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