Nowdays in many countries the proportion of older population is higher than that of younger people. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In recent years,
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
nations the total number of older population is higher than younger
people
. It will cause an upside and a downside development. in
this
essay, I believe that decreasing number of youth population will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
a bad effect
,
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apply
show examples
because a nation will
don't
Verb problem
not
show examples
have enough human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
and
losing
Wrong verb form
will lose
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
cultural value. limited human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
will affect national development to be slow in progress.
As a result
, the
country
should look for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers from outside, which can lead to
spend
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spending
show examples
a lot of money.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
example, Japan offers job
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
, allowing
people
around the world to come and work as
nurse
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nurses
show examples
or
doctor
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doctors
show examples
. the
country
have
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has
show examples
to spend much budget to pay the workers than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
usual.
On the other hand
, decreasing young population will decrease national identity.
As a consequence
, many
people
don't know about their culture, which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
around the globe will not visit the
country
.
For instance
, almost
tourist
Correct determiner usage
all tourist
show examples
come and enjoy their holiday
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
country
which has an
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
culture. if the identity of the nation
is disappear
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disappears
show examples
, so they will be a
marginally
Change the word
marginal
show examples
country
. in conclusion, the limited number of young
people
will cause several bad effects, difficult for human resources and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tend to
losing
Change the verb form
lose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
culture.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
You should ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the question. State your position and summarise your main points in the conclusion for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your essay structure by including a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a central idea and be linked to the others, to improve logical flow.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Ensure that the examples are directly relevant to the question and clearly support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, capitalization, and grammatical correctness to avoid undermining the clarity of your message. Errors can distract the reader and make your argument less persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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