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Writing Samples
Band 5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend on other things benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The interest in
space
Use synonyms
exploration
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 has been increased nowadays. Some argue that governments’ expenditure on
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary and they should spend their
people’s
Use synonyms
 money on other parts of society. Even though exploring
space
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 costs a huge amount of budget, in my opinion, I highly believe that it has its own merits. On the one hand, spending on
space
Use synonyms
 research could be a complete waste. First and foremost,
significant
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a significant
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 amount of money is needed to investigate and explore the outside of the Earth.
Additionally
Linking Words
, governments should take care of their
people’s
Use synonyms
 standards of living more, so they could spend their taxes
for
Change preposition
on
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 helping the
vernarable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
venerable
 people like social welfare.
Consequently
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, they would not be able to waste their budget, by which they could improve their
people’s
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overall
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 well-being and
satisfactions
Fix the agreement mistake
satisfaction
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.
This
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 is why,
for example
Linking Words
, some countries are in a financial crisis
due to
Linking Words
 the excessive expenditure on
space
Use synonyms
exploration
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, making their citizens live in poverty.
On the other hand
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, I strongly believe that
space
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exploration
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 can yield numerous desirable outcomes. Essentially speaking, the research on
space
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 is the foundation of
development
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the development
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 of other technologies.
Moreover
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, the inventions for exploring
space
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 can
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
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people’s
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 daily lives.
For instance
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, the special attire for
astraunats
Correct your spelling
astronauts
 applied to the outfits for firefighters and the technology of making
space
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 food is used for certain patients’ diets.
Lastly
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, the
governments
Change to a genitive case
government's
governments'
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 concern and investment can be the motivation for
economic
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the economic
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 development of the country.
Therefore
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, spending money on
space
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exploration
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 would bring forth several benefits. In conclusion,
although
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 some argue that the expenditure on
space
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 research is a waste, in my point-of-view, I
am still believe
Change the verb form
still believe
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 that it can be a motivation economically and
sceintificaly
Correct your spelling
scientifically
 for our society.

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Task Achievement
Incorporate specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. The use of detailed illustrations strengthens your position and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
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Task Achievement
Ensure that your position on the essay topic is consistently clear throughout the essay. Consistency makes your argument more persuasive and your essay easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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