IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities such as museums, theaters and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole? Are there any areas which are more important for the governments to fund?

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Cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
 are the things that are essential for each
country
Use synonyms
. Because they can show history,culture and features of each
country
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, numerous
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 have responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
money
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
obtain
Wrong verb form
obtained
show examples
 from society.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason
state
Use synonyms
 should spend the
Use synonyms
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way and it is irrational for many
people
Use synonyms
 to spend
Use synonyms
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will show premier
issues
Use synonyms
 that
Use synonyms
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 should spend
Use synonyms
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for folklore. Admittedly, it is correct that cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
 are one of the most vital things in each civilization. By
this
Linking Words
, we mean that for keeping cultural facilities
governments
Use synonyms
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 to keep
alive
Correct pronoun usage
them alive
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, by focusing on
this
Linking Words
 topic to the exclusion of others, nowadays there are so many important subjects that
Use synonyms
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 should take priority over cultural facilities. Foremost among these other challenges, appears cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
 are not enough reason to spend public
money
Use synonyms
. If
this
Linking Words
 problem is not addressed,
another important
Replace the adjective
another important issue
other important issues
show examples
issues
Use synonyms
 will not be seen.
Linking Words
firstly
Capitalize word
Firstly
show examples
, one of the most necessary
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
show examples
 that states should pursue there
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
numerous
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can not afford to
cos
Correct your spelling
cost
show examples
 of living.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays because of increasing the price of medical
products
Add a comma
products,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 can not afford to buy products and they are leaving their treatments.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 leads
Change preposition
to a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
patient
Change to a plural noun
patients
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increasing day by day.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in each
Use synonyms
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 there
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 a lot of
charity
Fix the agreement mistake
charities
show examples
 that need the help of
Use synonyms
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 in different contexts. States by helping from public
money
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 way should help a lot of
citizen
Change to a plural noun
citizens
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 can donate to charity which is supporting orphans children. By
this
Linking Words
, we mean that
this
Linking Words
 children
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 cost of living that charity can not help alone. And
this
Linking Words
 needs tremendous
helping
Replace the word
help
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
governments
Use synonyms
 by public
money
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, each
country
Use synonyms
 has tremendous
issues
Use synonyms
 which can
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be made by huge support
such
Linking Words
 as
determine
Wrong verb form
determining
show examples
Use synonyms
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 leads to
governments
Use synonyms
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 public
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
another
Replace the adjective
another issue
other issues
show examples
issues
Use synonyms
 that
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 essential
such
Linking Words
 as cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure, and the arguments can be difficult to follow due to limited linking between them. An improvement would be to create a more detailed outline before writing to ensure a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but they need to be clearer and more distinct. The thesis statement should be strong and the conclusion should effectively summarize the essay's main points. Consider refining these paragraphs for clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
The main points are acknowledged but not effectively supported with detailed and relevant examples. The arguments would be strengthened by incorporating specific and concrete evidence to back up the claims made in the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks a complete response to all parts of the question. Each aspect of the question should be evenly addressed, and the response should be balanced and thorough.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear but require improved comprehensiveness. Consider developing each point fully by explaining how and why they support your overall argument. Also, work on articulating these ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay uses examples but they are not entirely relevant or specific. Enhance your response by including examples that are directly pertinent to the points being made and to the overall argument of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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