Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities such as museums, theaters and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole? Are there any areas which are more important for the governments to fund?
Cultural
amenities
are the things that are essential for each country
. Because they can show history,culture and features of each country
. However
, numerous people
believe that governments
have responsibility about
Change preposition
for
money
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
obtain
from society. Wrong verb form
obtained
For
this
reason state
should spend the fund
of Fix the agreement mistake
funds
country
in Add an article
the country
a
right way and it is irrational for many Correct article usage
the
people
to spend fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
for
cultural Change preposition
on
amenities
. This
essay will show premier issues
that state
should spend Correct article usage
the state
fund
for folklore.
Admittedly, it is correct that cultural Fix the agreement mistake
funds
amenities
are one of the most vital things in each civilization. By this
, we mean that for keeping cultural facilities governments
should spend money
to keep alive
. Correct pronoun usage
them alive
However
, by focusing on this
topic to the exclusion of others, nowadays there are so many important subjects that state
should take priority over cultural facilities.
Foremost among these other challenges, appears cultural Correct article usage
the state
amenities
are not enough reason to spend public money
. If this
problem is not addressed, another important
Replace the adjective
another important issue
other important issues
issues
will not be seen.firstly
, one of the most necessary Capitalize word
Firstly
subject
that states should pursue there Change to a plural noun
subjects
have
Verb problem
is
a
numerous Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
people
that
Correct word choice
apply
they
can not afford to Correct pronoun usage
who
cos
of living. Correct your spelling
cost
For example
, nowadays because of increasing the price of medical products
many Add a comma
products,
people
can not afford to buy products and they are leaving their treatments. And
Correct word choice
This
this
leadsChange preposition
to a
a
number of Correct article usage
the
patient
Change to a plural noun
patients
are
increasing day by day. Unnecessary verb
apply
Secondly
, in each country
there Add a comma
country,
has
a lot of Verb problem
are
charity
that need the help of Fix the agreement mistake
charities
state
in different contexts. States by helping from public Correct article usage
the state
money
in this
way should help a lot of citizen
. Change to a plural noun
citizens
For example
, governments
can donate to charity which is supporting orphans children. By this
, we mean that this
children has
a Change the verb form
have
numerous
cost of living that charity can not help alone. And Correct word choice
large
this
needs tremendous helping
Replace the word
help
such
as governments
by public money
.
In conclusion, each country
has tremendous issues
which can to
be made by huge support Change the verb form
apply
such
as determine
Wrong verb form
determining
fund
. Fix the agreement mistake
funds
And
Correct word choice
This
this
leads to governments
should
not Verb problem
apply
spend
public Wrong verb form
spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
another
Replace the adjective
another issue
other issues
issues
that not
essential Add a missing verb
are not
such
as cultural amenities
.Submitted by TUTOO on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure, and the arguments can be difficult to follow due to limited linking between them. An improvement would be to create a more detailed outline before writing to ensure a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but they need to be clearer and more distinct. The thesis statement should be strong and the conclusion should effectively summarize the essay's main points. Consider refining these paragraphs for clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
The main points are acknowledged but not effectively supported with detailed and relevant examples. The arguments would be strengthened by incorporating specific and concrete evidence to back up the claims made in the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks a complete response to all parts of the question. Each aspect of the question should be evenly addressed, and the response should be balanced and thorough.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear but require improved comprehensiveness. Consider developing each point fully by explaining how and why they support your overall argument. Also, work on articulating these ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay uses examples but they are not entirely relevant or specific. Enhance your response by including examples that are directly pertinent to the points being made and to the overall argument of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.