IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. others believe that some information is too important or to valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #information #research #business #world
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That we
Correct determiner usage
We
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 know
the
Correct your spelling
that
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information
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 is good to
share
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 as much
information
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 as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world.
Nevertheless
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, some
people
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 believe that some
information
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 is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. When we have
an
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
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information
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 we will want to
share
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Correct pronoun usage
it to
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to
Change preposition
with
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 other
people
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 who need
about
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apply
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it.
Firstly
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, many
people
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 get
information
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in
Change preposition
from
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 books or
an
Correct article usage
the
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 internet they have read and if it contains good
information
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 about all topics, they will create some
information
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how
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on how
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 to make
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
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someone
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for someone
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 to know about the
information
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.
For instance
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, they create a website to
share
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 what they get
in
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on
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 social media or something, they
share
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 about some research, business or academic that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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people
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 more comfortable to
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
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about
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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things. That helps
people
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 to get
information
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 easily and some
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 provide the news
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will get a benefit when many
people
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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see their website.
However
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, when some
people
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 give
a good news
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good news
a piece of good news
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, they will not
share
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 freely because they spend more time when they search anything about what they
share
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.
For instance
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, they use a premium website to get limited
information
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 and not too
much
Change the quantifier
many
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people
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 know
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the content of the
information
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 they have
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share
Wrong verb form
shared
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.
Therefore
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, they will keep the
information
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 and give
people
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 when they want to pay for the limited
information
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. It is
nice
Correct article usage
a nice
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things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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 when
people
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 get
an
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
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information
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with
Change preposition
about
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special
Add an article
the special
a special
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 topic and
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 tips.
To conclude
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
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 is good things to
share
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to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 many
people
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,
therefore
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, is important to
share
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 with free access and give
people
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 to use because the impact
to
Change preposition
of sharing
show examples
share
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 anything that we have
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
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helping
Wrong verb form
help
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 many humans
also
Linking Words
 we give happiness when
people
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reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 our
information
Use synonyms
 and they have got it what they want.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each part of the essay should serve its purpose: the introduction should set the context and state the thesis, the body paragraphs should contain one main idea each supported by examples or explanations, and the conclusion should summarize the points and restate the thesis in the light of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should naturally follow from the one preceding it. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. The essay should discuss both views and provide the writer's own opinion. The conclusion must align with the arguments presented in the essay and reflect the writer's stance.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on ideas to fully develop arguments. Avoid vague statements and ensure that your ideas are expressed comprehensively and clearly.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support the main points. Specific examples not only illustrate the arguments but also make them more convincing to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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