IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. others believe that some information is too important or to valuable to be shared freely. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #information #research #business #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
That we
Correct determiner usage
We
show examples
 know
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
information
 is good to
share
 as much
information
 as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world.
Nevertheless
, some
people
 believe that some
information
 is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. When we have
an
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
information
 we will want to
share
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
people
 who need
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
Firstly
, many
people
 get
information
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 books or
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 internet they have read and if it contains good
information
 about all topics, they will create some
information
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to make
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
someone
Change preposition
for someone
show examples
 to know about the
information
.
For instance
, they create a website to
share
 what they get
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media or something, they
share
 about some research, business or academic that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
 more comfortable to
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things. That helps
people
 to get
information
 easily and some
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 provide the news
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will get a benefit when many
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
see their website.
However
, when some
people
 give
a good news
Remove the article
good news
a piece of good news
show examples
, they will not
share
 freely because they spend more time when they search anything about what they
share
.
For instance
, they use a premium website to get limited
information
 and not too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
people
 know
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the content of the
information
 they have
share
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
.
Therefore
, they will keep the
information
 and give
people
 when they want to pay for the limited
information
. It is
nice
Correct article usage
a nice
show examples
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 when
people
 get
an
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
information
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
special
Add an article
the special
a special
show examples
 topic and
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 tips.
To conclude
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
 is good things to
share
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 many
people
,
therefore
, is important to
share
 with free access and give
people
 to use because the impact
to
Change preposition
of sharing
show examples
share
 anything that we have
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 many humans
also
 we give happiness when
people
reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 our
information
 and they have got it what they want.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each part of the essay should serve its purpose: the introduction should set the context and state the thesis, the body paragraphs should contain one main idea each supported by examples or explanations, and the conclusion should summarize the points and restate the thesis in the light of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should naturally follow from the one preceding it. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. The essay should discuss both views and provide the writer's own opinion. The conclusion must align with the arguments presented in the essay and reflect the writer's stance.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on ideas to fully develop arguments. Avoid vague statements and ensure that your ideas are expressed comprehensively and clearly.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support the main points. Specific examples not only illustrate the arguments but also make them more convincing to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: