IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Topic: Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

#topic #millions #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #standards #earth
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Spending a lot of
money
 on researching how to go out of the earth has sparked debates among
people
. Some argue that putting
money
 into
this
 research is wasteful,
whereas
 others think
otherwise
. I lean toward the belief that it is better to invest
money
 in nations to enhance their economies and raise the
people
's living standards.
To begin
 with, many
people
 on the earth are still struggling with poverty and they need help from the
government
 and private companies.
For example
, research in the USA shows that 65% of
people
 aged 20 - 50 years are still living below the poverty minimum line. The
government
 is not able to help them completely raise their living standards because the nation's economic conditions are not stable.
Instead
 of investing
money
 in researching how to go to space, the
government
 should allocate
money
 to the domestics to stimulate the economic cycle to work progressively and increase the economies of
people
. To add to
this
, private companies should collaborate with the
government
 and work together to provide many training skills programs for
people
 to encourage the skills that are needed in the working world or even skills to be an entrepreneur.
To conclude
, spending amount of
money
 on researching how to live in space is a new big breakthrough in the astronomy research field, I lean toward the notion that allocating
money
 to
people
 in need is crucial and should be considered because many
people
 are still in need and living under the poverty minimum line. The
government
 and private companies should focus on raising
people
's living standards rather than wasting
money
 on researching that many
people
 are not able to get the benefits from it.
Submitted by nurulfitriakamilah on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, working on improving the logical flow between ideas will enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Your argument is generally clear and well presented. To improve, ensure that all main points are fully developed and supported with relevant examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument effectively.
task achievement
The response addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear stance and supporting it with logical reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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