IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below shows the average percentages in typical meals o three types of nutrients l, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below shows the average percentages in typical meals o three types of nutrients l, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
#percentages #meals #three #nutrients #l
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the varied proportion of nutrients namely
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumed daily
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
lunch
Use synonyms
,
dinner
Use synonyms
 ,
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
.
overall
Linking Words
,
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fats were taken maximum in
dinner
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
 was evidently consumed most in
snacks
Use synonyms
.
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 pattern was observed in
sodium
Use synonyms
 and fat intake during
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 identical consumption of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
lunch
Use synonyms
 was seen.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
sodium
Use synonyms
 had 43% intake in
dinner
Use synonyms
 and 29% in
lunch
Use synonyms
 and equal distribution in
snacks
Use synonyms
 and
breakfast
Use synonyms
.
moreover
Linking Words
, trans fats apparently had fluctuating
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 in all 4
meals
Use synonyms
. 37% in
dinner
Use synonyms
 ,26% in
lunch
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
 and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 consisted 21% and 16% .
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
addition
Add an article
the addition
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 to
meals
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a diversed
show examples
diversed
Correct your spelling
diverse
 trend .
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 meal of
day
Correct article usage
the day
show examples
 noticed
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake reporting 16%
whereas
Linking Words
snacks
Use synonyms
 between the
meals
Use synonyms
 contained
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 amount (42%) .
however
Linking Words
,
lunch
Use synonyms
 and
dinner
Use synonyms
 had 19% and 23% of
sugar
Use synonyms
 . it is highlighted that
sodium
Use synonyms
 and fats followed a nearly similar pattern compared to sugars in average percentages of typical
meals
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by harvibhatt1705 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, lunch, dinner, breakfast, snacks, meals with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Saturated fat
  • Trans fat
  • Sodium
  • Carbohydrates
  • Cholesterol
  • Processed foods
  • Nutrient density
  • Dietary guidelines
  • Metabolism
  • Chronic diseases
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Hypertension
  • Recommended daily intake (RDI)
  • Nutritional label
  • Food pyramid
  • Balanced diet
  • Health awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: