IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole

#rise #media #relationships #society
The rise of social
media
 has had a profound impact on personal relationships and society as a whole,
while
 there are certainly advantages to using social
media
 for communication.
This
 author believes that the benefits of
keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
 in contact with people all around the world and entertainment surpass outweigh the drawbacks of feeling anxiety and depression. The most advantageous factor of
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 connected is that social
media
 has made it easier than ever to keep in touch with friends and family members, even if they live far away.
In other words
, people can stay at home to talk and chat with friends through the small screen anytime
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want maybe all day.
However
, it saves a lot of time-consuming to go out to meet them. From prior knowledge, using social
media
 platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
permit
Correct subject-verb agreement
permits
show examples
 us to share our lives with others, and to keep up with what’s happening in the lives of those we care about.
In addition
, using social
media
 can
also
 be used to build communities around shared interests.
For example
, you can join groups or fan pages where you can connect with others who share your passions and interests.
In other words
,
Thus
, social
media
 can
also
 be a powerful tool for organizing events, raising awareness about important issues, and building communities around shared interests. Another negative aspect of spending
social
Change preposition
on social
show examples
media
 is feeling depression, anxiety and loneliness. Social
media
 can
also
 be a breeding ground for misinformation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and can be used to spread hate speech and other harmful content.
Additionally
, social
media
 can be a major source of distraction
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and can make it difficult to focus on important tasks. Usually, cyberbullying in social
media
 is an action popular
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today.
For instance
, when you became famous
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 known by many people but after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 you were school behavior with the innocents, citizens will rummage bad information from you to the latest
new
Correct your spelling
news
show examples
.
This
 will make your image
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tarnished leading to feel do not want to live in the world. Since screens hide our faces, you can end up being a jerk on social
media
 and other websites without even realizing it. Taking all points into account, the possible impact of consuming social
media
 being conventional is outweighed.
Moreover
, I would suggest that social
media
 is a useful tool and adds value to our lives.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear and effective in summarizing the main points and establishing a position.
logical structure
Work on creating a more logical structure by grouping related ideas together and using cohesive devices appropriately to signal relationships between ideas.
supported main points
Develop main points with more specific examples and details to strengthen the argument and provide clarity.
complete response
The essay should comprehensively respond to all parts of the task, presenting a balanced view and addressing both the benefits and drawbacks of social media with equal consideration.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim to present ideas more clearly and comprehensively, avoiding generalizations and ensuring that each paragraph conveys a single clear idea.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points and to give your argument more weight.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital communication
  • Online presence
  • Privacy concerns
  • Cyberbullying
  • Social networking sites
  • Virtual communities
  • Echo chambers
  • Digital footprint
  • Social media influencers
  • Content dissemination
  • User-generated content
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Cognitive dissonance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: