IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #first #child #development
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In the modern world, humans are expected to have their first offspring later, when they are aged. Many people indicate that it is because
,
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apply
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 they want to be completely sure that their son or daughter is financially strong others comment that it is because of their career.
This
 essay will highlight the advantages of
this
 approach which surpass the disadvantages brought by it. To embark on, one of the paramount factors behind
this
 is parents are thinking about their finances. Every caretaker wants their newborn should
take
Verb problem
get
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 an education from
high standard
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high-standard
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 schools for
this
 they should be financially strong because nowadays fee structure are reaching their all-time high.
For instance
, in the
last
 five years, Gyan Ganga International School raised their fees up to 100% and now for many parents, it is not affordable to give their pupils an education in the same school. Probing ahead, some adults prefer having a good career and enjoying social life to sitting at home and raising their offspring. On the other words, few parents don’t want to sacrifice their personal young life.
Hence
, proper planning is necessary before giving birth to a new baby. There are a plethora of cons of view,
firstly
 delaying pregnancy can lead to health complications. Fertility starts to decline after the age of thirty, and babies born
after
this
 age might have a higher risk of health conditions
for instance
 Dawn syndrome and other genetic birth defects.
Hence
, having a kid in old maturity can have fatal consequences for an infant's well-being.
Secondly
, having a child later may cause a significant gap between two generations.
For example
, Doctors always give advice not
to
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too
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 late for planning because by 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely.
To conclude
, some benefits can be visible in having a kid in old age
such
 that their children will be financially secure,
nevertheless
,
offsprings
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offspring
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 can have serious issues with health.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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coherence cohesion
The essay structure is fairly clear, with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be more logically developed to further enhance clarity. It is advisable to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph coherently contribute to that idea.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt, but could improve by developing a more detailed discussion with a better balance of ideas regarding advantages and disadvantages. Expand on the arguments with more in-depth explanation and consider equal treatment of both the advantages and disadvantages for a more comprehensive response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Shift
  • Trend
  • Societal norms
  • Education and career
  • Financial stability
  • Reproductive technologies
  • Delayed marriages
  • Parenting responsibilities
  • Life expectancy
  • Family planning
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