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Band 3

Fast food is becoming part of life everywhere. This phenomenon affects people’s lifestyle and diet.Do you agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #phenomenon #people’s #lifestyle #diet
It is true that fast
food
 has
been become
Change to the active voice
become
show examples
 an
intregral
Correct your spelling
integral
 part of
people
's lives. Some argue that
this
 issue has
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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their lifestyle and diet. I totally agree with the view.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why the popularity of fast
food
 affects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's lives.
Firstly
, the advances in technology that diven
food
industrailisation
Correct your spelling
industrialisation
industrialization
 which
is provide
Change the verb form
provides
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people
 can easily order fast meals through delivery applications and the consumers can get
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of rubbish
food
, including
hambergers
Correct your spelling
hamburgers
, pizzas and even fried
chicked
Correct your spelling
chicken
 wings.
Therefore
, those
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 busy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 tend to select takeaway or dining out rather than homemade meals.
For example
, in Thailand, many companies would love to order a lot of pizzas to treat their employees when they work at night. In spite of the positive influence mentioned above, there are some negative aspects of
this
 phenomenon. For one thing, it can increase
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a health problem because it offers
briny
Correct article usage
a briny
show examples
 diet, high levels of cholesterol and excessive sugar content. These
factor
Change the determiner
factors
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 lead
people
 to high blood pressure, obesity and diabetes which are chronic diseases to modern
people
.
Moreover
, the most serious matter is that children are exposed to these illnesses. In fact, in many countries, especially
such
 as the USA, child diabetes and obesity have raised a major social problem. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 believe that increasing the
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of fast
food
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's lives, I firmly agree that it will have
Correct your spelling
negative
Correct article usage
a nagative
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nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact on them
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, it's essential to ensure that paragraphs are well-structured and ideas flow logically from one to another. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the connectivity between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that pronoun references are clear and that there is an appropriate use of vocabulary to indicate logical relationships between ideas.
task achievement
While the response does address the task sufficiently, a more developed position with a greater range of sentence structures could enhance clarity and the overall comprehensiveness of ideas. Furthermore, the essay could benefit from more relevant and specific examples to support arguments. Including illustrative examples would strengthen the argumentation and make the ideas more concrete.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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