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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie chart compares the average household spending in two different countries in terms of five important categories in 2010.

The pie chart compares the average household spending in two different countries in terms of five important categories in 2010.
The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of typical household
expenditure
Use synonyms
 spent on five clusters including Housing, Transport,
Food
Use synonyms
, Health care and other goods and services in Malaysia and Japan in the year 2010. Looking at the
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is apparent that the most significant categories which Japanese people paid for were Housing and
Food
Use synonyms
, which together accounted for half the all
costs
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on
Food
Use synonyms
 and Housing comprised more than 60% of the total payoff in Malaysia.
According to
Linking Words
 Japan's pie chart, except for other goods and services which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the first rank with 29% of total
expenditure
Use synonyms
, the
costs
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 paid for
Food
Use synonyms
 stood second place at 24%, followed by both proportion of Housing and Transport clusters (21% and 20% respectively).
Also
Linking Words
, the
Health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
 share in total
costs
Use synonyms
 was very tiny and equal to 6%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
costs
Use synonyms
 spent on Housing were considerable in Malaysia (34%), followed by
Food
Use synonyms
 and other goods and services both at almost just above one-fourth. Another cluster named Transport accounted for 10% of
expenditure
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 and similar to what can be seen in Japan's chart, Health care dedicated 3% of
costs
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 to itself which is a negligible amount

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, food, costs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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