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Band 3

Many schools today require students to work without pay for companies as part of their education. Is this more advantageous to students or companies?

#schools #students #work #companies #part #education
As a part of education, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
schools want
students
 to
work
 for
companies
 without any pay.
This
work
 is
refered
Correct your spelling
referred
as
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to as
show examples
 voluntary
work
 as the
students
 will not get paid for
this
work
. In my opinion, it will be beneficial for the
companies
 in regard to the
students
.
To begin
 with,
companies
 get benefits when the
students
work
 for them without any pay. The first
benefit
 of
this
 development is financial benefits.
Companies
does
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do
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 not need to hire
much
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many
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 workers for their daily tasks.
While
,
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apply
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students
 have some
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 which
companies
 them for their own purposes.
However
,
this
 will not give any
benefit
 to
students
 as the
students
 choose
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 career path after graduation.
For instance
, if
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 wants children to join grocery
companies
 as part of the circular activity.
This
 would not
benefit
 the pupils.
Moreover
, the
companies
 save their time in completing the tasks. If
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
students
 join the
company
 they would
able
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be able
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 to complete the tasks in
short
Add an article
a short
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 span of time.
In contrast
 to daily workers
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 have to pay zero money to
students
 for their
work
. Even though
,
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apply
show examples
 they will
benefit
 the
company
 in many aspects,
but
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apply
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it is
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a wastage
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wastage
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waste
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 of time for
students
. So in my opinion
students
 who are doing voluntary
work
 as part of education
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not good for their career. Even though, there are benefits to
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
students
 have only drawbacks
Change preposition
to
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 system.
Submitted by Dharmveer singh on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are both critical components of a cohesive piece of writing. Make sure to open with a clear thesis statement that briefly outlines your viewpoints and conclude with a summarizing paragraph that restates your main points and opinion.
coherence cohesion
There are numerous grammatical errors that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Consider proofreading your work carefully to correct these mistakes and ensure that your writing flows smoothly.
task achievement
Your arguments appear to be one-sided and are not fully developed. The question asks you to discuss the advantages for both students and companies, and a balanced discussion weighing both sides would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Concrete examples and evidence are lacking in your arguments, which would help make your case more convincing. Specific examples or data could significantly enhance your essay's impact.
task achievement
It's crucial to fully understand the task and respond accordingly. The essay should comprehensively explore the advantages for both students and companies, as the prompt suggests. Failure to do so results in an incomplete response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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