IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many schools today require students to work without pay for companies as part of their education. Is this more advantageous to students or companies?

#schools #students #work #companies #part #education
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As a part of education, most
of
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apply
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schools want
students
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 to
work
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 for
companies
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 without any pay.
This
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work
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 is
refered
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referred
as
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to as
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 voluntary
work
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 as the
students
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 will not get paid for
this
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work
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. In my opinion, it will be beneficial for the
companies
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 in regard to the
students
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.
To begin
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 with,
companies
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 get benefits when the
students
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work
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 for them without any pay. The first
benefit
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 of
this
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 development is financial benefits.
Companies
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does
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do
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 not need to hire
much
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many
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 workers for their daily tasks.
While
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,
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apply
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students
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 have some
knowlege
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knowledge
 which
companies
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 them for their own purposes.
However
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,
this
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 will not give any
benefit
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 to
students
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 as the
students
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 choose
different
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a different
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 career path after graduation.
For instance
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, if
school
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the school
a school
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 wants children to join grocery
companies
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 as part of the circular activity.
This
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 would not
benefit
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 the pupils.
Moreover
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, the
companies
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 save their time in completing the tasks. If
alot
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a lot
 of
students
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 join the
company
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 they would
able
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be able
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 to complete the tasks in
short
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a short
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 span of time.
In contrast
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 to daily workers
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company
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companies
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 have to pay zero money to
students
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 for their
work
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. Even though
,
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apply
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 they will
benefit
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 the
company
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 in many aspects,
but
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apply
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it is
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a wastage
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wastage
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waste
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 of time for
students
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. So in my opinion
students
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 who are doing voluntary
work
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 as part of education
is
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are
show examples
 not good for their career. Even though, there are benefits to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the company
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company
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the company
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but
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apply
show examples
students
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 have only drawbacks
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to
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for
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to
show examples
this
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 system.
Submitted by Dharmveer singh on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are both critical components of a cohesive piece of writing. Make sure to open with a clear thesis statement that briefly outlines your viewpoints and conclude with a summarizing paragraph that restates your main points and opinion.
coherence cohesion
There are numerous grammatical errors that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Consider proofreading your work carefully to correct these mistakes and ensure that your writing flows smoothly.
task achievement
Your arguments appear to be one-sided and are not fully developed. The question asks you to discuss the advantages for both students and companies, and a balanced discussion weighing both sides would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Concrete examples and evidence are lacking in your arguments, which would help make your case more convincing. Specific examples or data could significantly enhance your essay's impact.
task achievement
It's crucial to fully understand the task and respond accordingly. The essay should comprehensively explore the advantages for both students and companies, as the prompt suggests. Failure to do so results in an incomplete response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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