An increasing number of people want to buy clothes, shoes and other items produced by famous international brands. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development.
Many men and women have been purchasing their clothes from globally well-known
brands
as a result
of the impacts of social media on individuals. I, personally believe that this
phenomenon should be accepted a
negative development, since it affects local Change preposition
as a
brands
badly, and makes people
monotype across the world.
The significant reason why people
tend to buy their needs from an international brand would be
the Wrong verb form
is
prevelance
of Correct your spelling
prevalence
the
social media usage. There are many Correct article usage
apply
people
, who describe themselves as an influencer on Instagram, and they try to influence their follower
to buy what they recommend, in Fix the agreement mistake
followers
this
way they earn money or get sponsorskips
. Unfortunately, many users are affected by the wisely designed stories or posts. Correct your spelling
sponsorships
sponsorship
As a result
, they purchase the
Correct article usage
apply
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
such
as shoes, Correct word choice
and jacket
jacket
, Fix the agreement mistake
jackets
what
are
represented as a miracle product by an influencer.
Turning to the point, whether that phenomenon is positive or negative, as Correct pronoun usage
which
people
are likely to buy items like clothes, or shoes from an
international Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
brands
, the annual sales of local brands
decrease, and some of poeple
, who Correct your spelling
people
work
as an Change the verb form
works
employee
in local companies may face the risk of unemployment. As international companies have stronger foundations compared to local companies, they are likely to provide better Fix the agreement mistake
employees
discount
for their customers. Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
Hence
, people
tend to shop from well-known brands
to save their money. While
, this
trend may seem as
a logical Change preposition
like
choise
for the individuals, in the long term, they may be affected badly, especially if they are employed by a local factory. Correct your spelling
choice
On the other hand
, the more people
wear from
the same brand Change preposition
apply
that
is mean
the same style, the more they may look similar. Wrong verb form
means
Therefore
, everyone may seem like twins, and people
's creativity would die. In comparison with a society which
everyone Change preposition
in which
wear
Change the verb form
wears
according to
their taste, this
would seem too monotone.
To conclude
, the main cause why poeple
buy items produced by well-known Correct your spelling
people
brands
would be the impact of social media on people
. I, personally advocate that this
trend has negative effetcs
on Correct your spelling
effects
the
individuals and Correct article usage
apply
the
society, in terms of Correct article usage
apply
decline
in diversity in Correct article usage
a decline
people
's style, and also
the likelyhood
of unemployment in the long run.Correct your spelling
likelihood
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task achievement
Consider revisiting your essay and ensure that all parts of the task are addressed. While you have discussed the reasons why people purchase from famous brands and included a personal opinion on the outcomes, there was no clear development in the arguments put forth.
coherence and cohesion
For a higher score, your essay would need to present a more coherent structure. Aim to have a clear progression of ideas with effective paragraphing. Consider using linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your arguments. While you mentioned social media influencers and their impact, more detailed examples or data would enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
language
Proofread your essay for grammatical accuracy and ensure sentences are well-constructed and complete. Avoid typographical errors, and strive for precision in language usage.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example