Some people believe that schools are no longer necessary because students can study well at home through the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As humans now live in
contemporary
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a contemporary
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era where
internet
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the internet
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is more accessible, many individuals believe that traditional
school
is no longer efficient
to compare
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compared
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with self-taught learning from the
internet
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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I will extend my disagreement as well to give some illustrations in the paragraphs below. First and foremost, people should not be dependent on
contents
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content
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in
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on
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the
internet
as they might be fake and less credible.
This
phenomenon is because there is
a
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apply
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freedom of many users in using
this
platform as they freely spread misinformation without
get
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getting
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any consequences.
For instance
, it
is commonly believe
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is commonly believed
is commonly believing
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in many institutions
that is
probihited
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prohibited
for
students
to use
internet
source
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sources
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for their
school
tasks as most of the materials in there do not have any legal or
academically
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academic
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research.
As a result
,
students
highly will not get the best learning outcome if they do not get the
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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not from academic sources like the actual journals or people with
education
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educational
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backgrounds, namely teachers. More than that, electronic learning likely
make
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makes
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students
to
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apply
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have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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interpersonal relationships.
This
issue is based on how kids tend to learn all by themselves
and
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which
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push
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pushes
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them into individualists,
to compare
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compared
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with attending the
old
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apply
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styled schools where it is undirectly
tell
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told
show examples
them to make friends
in
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apply
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there. To illustrate, most of the
students
will make their own groups consist friends to engage with as they will spend most of the
times
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time
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with them,
such
for
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as
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lunch activities,
teamworks
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teamwork
, and sports. In comparison with
the
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apply
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internet
-based learning, learners will not have
a
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apply
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real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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experience
on
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in
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that
certain
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apply
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area.
To sum up
,
school
is still highly needed in
the
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apply
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society as it has various
of
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apply
show examples
advantages
in contrast
with gaining insights from the
internet
autodidactly
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autodidact
.
This
is because not only
school
has
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have
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a better education system, but
also
give
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gives
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many children practical learning on how to be socially adaptive.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear progression throughout the essay. While you have tried to organize your ideas, there can be better logical structuring of paragraphs with more cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly state your opinion, which was done, but the thesis statement could be strengthened. Similarly, the conclusion needs to summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
Work on providing a deeper analysis of the points raised. Explaining the reasons behind your opinion with more development and substance is key. Your argument about credibility could be bolstered with specific examples.
task achievement
Elaborate on examples by providing specific and detailed situations. For better task responsiveness, include counterarguments and refute them to strengthen your position.
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