IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that schools are no longer necessary because students can study well at home through the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As humans now live in
contemporary
Correct article usage
a contemporary
show examples
 era where
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is more accessible, many individuals believe that traditional
school
Use synonyms
 is no longer efficient
to compare
Change the verb form
compared
show examples
 with self-taught learning from the
internet
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will extend my disagreement as well to give some illustrations in the paragraphs below. First and foremost, people should not be dependent on
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 as they might be fake and less credible.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is because there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom of many users in using
this
Linking Words
 platform as they freely spread misinformation without
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 any consequences.
For instance
Linking Words
, it
is commonly believe
Change the verb form
is commonly believed
is commonly believing
show examples
 in many institutions
that is
Linking Words
probihited
Correct your spelling
prohibited
 for
students
Use synonyms
 to use
internet
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 for their
school
Use synonyms
 tasks as most of the materials in there do not have any legal or
academically
Change the word
academic
show examples
 research.
As a result
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 highly will not get the best learning outcome if they do not get the
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 not from academic sources like the actual journals or people with
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 backgrounds, namely teachers. More than that, electronic learning likely
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
students
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 interpersonal relationships.
This
Linking Words
 issue is based on how kids tend to learn all by themselves
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
show examples
 them into individualists,
to compare
Change the verb form
compared
show examples
 with attending the
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
styled schools where it is undirectly
tell
Wrong verb form
told
show examples
 them to make friends
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there. To illustrate, most of the
students
Use synonyms
 will make their own groups consist friends to engage with as they will spend most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 with them,
such
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 lunch activities,
teamworks
Correct your spelling
teamwork
, and sports. In comparison with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
-based learning, learners will not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that
certain
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
area.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 is still highly needed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as it has various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advantages
in contrast
Linking Words
 with gaining insights from the
internet
Use synonyms
autodidactly
Correct your spelling
autodidact
.
This
Linking Words
 is because not only
school
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a better education system, but
also
Linking Words
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 many children practical learning on how to be socially adaptive.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clear progression throughout the essay. While you have tried to organize your ideas, there can be better logical structuring of paragraphs with more cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly state your opinion, which was done, but the thesis statement could be strengthened. Similarly, the conclusion needs to summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
Work on providing a deeper analysis of the points raised. Explaining the reasons behind your opinion with more development and substance is key. Your argument about credibility could be bolstered with specific examples.
task achievement
Elaborate on examples by providing specific and detailed situations. For better task responsiveness, include counterarguments and refute them to strengthen your position.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: