Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or an negative development?

Currently, there are rising number of people with health issues choosing
alternative
medicines and treatments
instead
of consulting
to
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apply
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doctors.
This
trend could become an unprecedented situation as
alternatives
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alternative
show examples
medications
have not gone through proper medical trials.
Alternative
medications
often use
methods
and consumption of medicines that are yet to be acknowledged in medical society.
This
is often
due to
the lack of research conducted
toward
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on
show examples
those subjects or the existence of
a
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apply
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research that proves that those
method
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methods
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are not effective. Take cupping
for example
, it extracts blood through your skin and
said
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is said
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to have the ability to remove toxins from your body.
While
it might have the ability mentioned, there are other
methods
that are more
clinically-proven
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clinically proven
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and
involves
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involve
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less invasive actions.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
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does apply
Wrong verb form
applies
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with
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to
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herbal
medications
that often being taken as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternatives treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
alternative treatments
show examples
, it has been proven to have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
medical benefits, but
it
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they
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
insignificant when compared to other standardized pharmaceuticals. Doing
alternative
treatment can
also
cause unprecedented risks. Alternatives that are said to be more effective than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular
medications
might involve the use of substances or
methods
that are deemed dangerous in
medical
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the medical
show examples
world. It
become
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becomes
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worse when
this
method
have
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has
show examples
not been through any medical trials, unknown
side-effects
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side effects
show examples
might appear following the treatment.
Not to mention
, the lack of medical skills of
those
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that alternative practitioner
those alternative practitioners
show examples
alternative
practitioner could impose additional risks. In short,
alternative
treatments or
medications
should be taken carefully. It might not have the effectiveness of regular
methods
or the risks might outweigh the benefits.
Nevertheless
, if an
alternative
is proven to be effective and safe through proper clinical trials the doctors will recommend it.
Thus
, consulting
to
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apply
show examples
a doctor will be the best
actions
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action
show examples
to solve your health issues.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer structure. Consider using more cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs, creating a smoother flow of information that logically progresses from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that you address the prompt fully. In this case, you need to present a more balanced discussion on whether using alternative medicines and treatments is a positive or negative development before reaching a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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