IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to their studies in school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

#children #attention #studies #school
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Nowadays,
an
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apply
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attention
 has been
dercreasing
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decreasing
in
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on
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students
, which is manifested
that
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in
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students
are
Verb problem
apply
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going far away
to
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from
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 their studies. I will discuss what
the
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apply
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problems
are
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have
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occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 and how to solve
it
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them
show examples
 in upcoming paragraphs. First and foremost problem mental system
an
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and
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imblance
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imbalance
. Student who
allows
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allowed
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 to use
computer
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computers
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 for online courses, but they are used for their personal things which will
helpful
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help
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 to distract from academic focus.
Thus
, they
felling
Verb problem
feel
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 anxiety, depression and lack confidence during exam time.
Secondly
, to
getting failure
Verb problem
fail
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. If
students
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
understood
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understand
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 about importance of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 or
due to
lack
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a lack
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 of motivation , they
failed
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fail
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 to engage their interest in
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
.
Furthermore
, some factors are responsible
to impair
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for impairing
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 concentration
such
 as lack of sleep, inadequate nutrition and fast paced media environment, which
making
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make
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 sustained
attention
 more challenging. Solutions are working as key parts of
very
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every
show examples
problems
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problem
show examples
. To overcome
mind
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mental
show examples
problem
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problems
show examples
, teachers and parents have to pay
attention
 during student learning time like,
block
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by blocking
show examples
 gaming websites, encouraging healthy lifestyles and providing assistance with organizational skills.
Moreover
, teachers have to introduce to
students
 about implementation of mindfulness and concentration training in school programs which will help
students
 improve their focus
an
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and
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dattention
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attention
 spans,
for
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so
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that
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apply
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students
 are
interesting
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interested
show examples
 in
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
.
In addition
, governments have to make some
complimentory
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complimentary
complementary
 nutrient food samples, so that poor
students
 get food without any cost and
also
 introduce to parents
about
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apply
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how
nutrions
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nutritious
 food and
healthy
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a healthy
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 lifestyle are important for
students
 to represent seminars. In conclusion, Teachers and parents have to work on
students
about
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to
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pay
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paying
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attention
 to their studies, which will help
for
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apply
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to
acheive
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achieve
goals
Correct pronoun usage
their goals
show examples
.
Submitted by pateldhruv1497 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, followed by supporting points or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Avoid repetition of phrases and strive for syntactic variety to enhance readability.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the prompt. Make sure both the causes and solutions to the issue of children's lack of concentration in schools are discussed in equal measure, with clear examples and elaborate explanations.
task achievement
Clarify and expand ideas with specific and relevant examples. Avoid general statements and provide concrete evidence or scenarios to support points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Concentration
  • Engagement
  • Curriculum
  • Attention span
  • Learning disorders
  • Interactive learning
  • Personalized learning
  • Supportive learning environment
  • Mental health
  • Organizational skills
  • Educational policy
  • Mindfulness
  • Screen time
What to do next:
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