IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Since Agriculture is a pivotal issue in communities,
this
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 subject should be paid attention. Despite its importance, some countries suffer from poverty and lack of agricultural
products
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.
This
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 is occurring because the
population
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 of the
world
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 is rising and demands are far more than supplies. For tackling
this
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 problem health care system and education should be increased.
Although
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 agriculture has developed in the countries, many
people
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 are still hungry
due to
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 increasing the
population
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 of the
world
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.
In other words
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, thanks to technological advancement,
people
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 are more facilitated and the
rate
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 of mortality has decreased in recent decades. For that reason, the
rate
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 of life expectancy has increased significantly.
While
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 the
number
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 of crops did not rise as much as the
number
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 of
people
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. Considering
this
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, several
people
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 can be seen around the
world
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 who are suffering from famine. If citizens put pressure on the farmers to increase the
number
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 of
products
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, the level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resources
such
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 as water and ingredients will disappear as soon as possible. In Africa,
due to
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 the increasing
rate
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 of
population
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, numerous
people
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 find it difficult to supply their basic needs
such
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 as food
due to
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 limitations of natural resources. To tackle
this
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 problem, the
rate
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 of health care should be increased. Taking these in mind, the government should adopt a new approach towards increasing the facilities for preventing pregnancy. If
this
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 happens in communities , societies' poverty will be solved.
By contrast
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, when the
number
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 of new babies is growing, farmers cannot produce the variety of
products
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 which are necessary for them.
In addition
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,
people
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’s awareness should be raised by social media.
In other words
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, they should be well-informed about their role in the society. Considering
this
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, the
number
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 of newborn babies will decline and citizens become knowledgeable about their vital role.
To conclude
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,
although
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 Agriculture is so important in communities, some countries cope with poverty and the lack of
products
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the increasing
population
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 in the
world
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 and to tackle that problem health care and
people
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’s education should be at the centre of attention.

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Task achievement
Ensure you have a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the structure of your essay.
Coherence and cohesion
Develop paragraphs with one central idea each and use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
Task achievement
Support your main points with specific and relevant examples or evidence.
Coherence and cohesion
Focus on maintaining coherence with ideas that logically flow from one to the next, using a range of cohesive devices accurately.
Coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, restate your thesis and summarize the main points of your essay without introducing new information.
Task achievement
Address all parts of the task, not only why the issue exists but also providing specific measures to address the problem.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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