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Band 4

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as a desert or the Antarctic. What are the advantages and disadvantages of visiting such places.

#tourists #places #conditions #desert #antarctic
Every coin has two sides.
Likewise
, the trip to extreme
places
,
such
 as a desert or the Antarctic. Visiting
such
places
 will foster
people
's awareness
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 nature but, if
people
 do not have proper knowledge about the environment,
come
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
 to
places
 with extra
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 can be dangerous for them.
This
 essay will shed some light on the merits and demerits of the issue.
Firstly
, some landscapes namely deserts, the
Antarctics
Correct your spelling
Antarctic
, rain forests, mountains, etc., need to be preserved as they have
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 part in the sustainability of the earth.
Therefore
, it is highly expected that the more
people
 know about it the more
people
 will try to protect it.
For instance
, in the environmental campaign about protecting mountains, hikers are usually those in the first line supporting it wholeheartedly.
This
mainly
Add a missing verb
is mainly
show examples
 because they know exactly how
marvelous
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marvellous
show examples
 a mountain is
as well as
 its role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
Besides
, coming to those
places
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
absolutely
requiring
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 special preparations. If
people
 come with paltry knowledge, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 definitely hurt themselves. To illustrate
this
, no one is a stranger to the fact that the
Antarctics
Correct your spelling
Antarctic
 have
super
Add an article
a super
show examples
 cool
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
. Tourists should have sufficient
former
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
information about how to deal with cold
otherwise
 they will get hypothermia. To recapitulate it, it is
arduos
Correct your spelling
arduous
 to say whether coming to extreme destinations has more pros or cons. As stated before, it may be
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effective way to help conserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature but
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 can be a treat for amateur visitors.
Submitted by munthulbawuk on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position on it. While some introduction is present, it could more directly address both sides of the issue.
Main Points & Supporting Details
Develop paragraphs with distinct main ideas, followed by supporting details and examples. While main points are present, they need further development and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
Logical Structure
Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and ensure that the subsequent sentences elaborate on that topic. The essay's structure is overall coherent but would benefit from clearer and more distinct topic sentences.
Conclusion
Aim to provide a more effective conclusion that summarizes the key points and reiterates your position in a clear and impactful manner, rather than introducing new content or restating the introduction.
Task Response
Maintain a clear position throughout the response. Ensure that you address all parts of the task, which includes discussing both the advantages and disadvantages sufficiently. More balance in covering both sides would improve the score.
Specific Examples
Introduce relevant, specific examples to support your main points. The use of an example such as the environmental campaign is good, but further detail and additional examples would provide a stronger argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourists
  • conditions
  • difficult
  • desert
  • Antarctic
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • unique
  • unforgettable
  • experience
  • opportunities
  • admire
  • natural landscapes
  • wildlife
  • challenges
  • discovery
  • personal strengths
  • learning
  • cultures
  • traditions
  • harsh
  • unforgiving
  • climate
  • limited access
  • modern amenities
  • facilities
  • higher risk
  • accidents
  • health issues
  • high costs
  • logistical challenges
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