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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, younger people are neglecting their rights to vote. WHAT problems does this cause and what are some possible solutions? v.1

#countries #people #rights #vote #v
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Denoted as a democracy assurance in a national regime, elections held by several nations have unsolved
problems
Use synonyms
, at least until nowadays, juveniles have less to no willingness to choose their representative, so public interest cannot be accommodated well.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon likely occurs because the representative is unable to show their vision and has skills beneath the expectation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is possible to solve
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 by providing better campaign materials and extension methods.
First,
Linking Words
it is clear for the legislators before entering the parliament to provide a lucid proposed development plan in the next few years. Thereby, voters might have a better understanding of their expected life.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
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 matters include poverty issues, health insurance
problems
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, environmental
problems
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, and education The younger generation will pay more attention to these topics, maybe because of their better education than the older
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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. So, it is important for the campaigners to provide clear substance in their tools.
Second,
Linking Words
education levels likely become imperative in young
people
Use synonyms
's assessment of their representative.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who did the campaign will only have two options, become more educated with several titles, or make an accusation by embellishing a clear illustration of their social responsibility projects or clever
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 to solve environmental issues in their agenda.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, entitling
people
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 to several “smart” labels may not really be important, but the youth may have a slight interest in them that influences their willingness to choose. If
this
Linking Words
 can be accommodated, it may reduce the high possibility of ignoring their right to vote.
To conclude
Linking Words
, young generations have a great role in an election. Yet, their ability to criticize more creates imminent unsolved
problems
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. The least way to avert
this
Linking Words
 is by providing a better campaign.
Hence
Linking Words
, it can minimize the
young
Correct quantifier usage
number of young
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people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who
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neglect their vote, and the public importance can be accommodated well.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure. It is crucial that the introduction sets the scene for the discussion, each body paragraph should contain one main idea with supporting details, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Make effective use of a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing. Appropriate linking words should be used to ensure a smooth flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Overusing or incorrectly using linking devices can make the text confusing.
task achievement
Try to fully address all parts of the task. Provide a balanced discussion of problems and solutions, with each aspect being elaborated upon sufficiently. This includes clearly presenting the problems caused by young people's neglect of their voting rights, as well as offering several tangible solutions.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work on clarity by directly addressing the question, defining terms where necessary, and providing clear explanations. Avoid ambiguity and ensure that your argument is easy to follow.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your main points. These examples serve to illustrate your ideas and make your arguments more convincing. They should be clearly linked to the points being made and be detailed enough to add value to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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