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Band 4

In today's world, it is private companies rather than government who pay for and carry out most on scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #companies #government #research
As
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time goes by, there is a shift in
research
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the research
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 funding trend where private corporations tend to overtake
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
 role. I believe the benefit is likely more prominent than the drawback itself. Each side has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own
bureaucracy
Replace the word
bureaucratic
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 system in
accomodating
Correct your spelling
accommodating
research
 projects.
However
, it is prevalent for the government to have
such
 convoluted requirements and processes to support them
For instance
, in Indonesia, the flow of
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 is so complicated that it is a common circumstance for
a
Remove the article
apply
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research
 to be hindered.
Consequently
, a researcher has the likelihood to spend their allowance to keep the plan running. Unfortunately, not all people who are passionate
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
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 field have the capability to do so.
This
 is where
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
 sector
play
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plays
show examples
 its essential role as the savior. Never did I hear a company
to
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apply
show examples
impose a difficult pathway for a
research
 grant.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 they can give it at ease.
Hence
, the project can be proceeded swiftly. Given the smoothness of the system, the contribution of
private
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the private
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sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
seem
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seems
show examples
 to be
the
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apply
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par for the course.
According to
 the previous condition, it is undeniable that companies have left
worthwile
Correct your spelling
worthwhile
 track records for the community. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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, they might
gave
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give
show examples
 a nice reputation
toward
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to
show examples
 the public eye as well. For a long time, corporations
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 labelled to be capitalist,
which are
Verb problem
apply
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only operating for the good
of
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apply
show examples
themselves
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apply
show examples
. Since they
start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
 to boost
the
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apply
show examples
scientific advancement, it is possible for them to
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
such
stereoype
Correct your spelling
stereotype
stereotypes
 slightly. Despite
this
 situation, numerous corporations still have certain preferences for several
field
Change to a plural noun
fields
show examples
 to be supported with
grant
Fix the agreement mistake
grants
show examples
, especially the one that aligns with the industry or the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 of the company.
Nevertheless
, I am confident that the aforementioned perks can override
this
 small downside. All in all, the funding of scientific
research
 from
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 can generate multiple valuable plus points. I suggest
Correct word choice
that fthe
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fthe
Correct your spelling
the
 government and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same boat with
this
 notion.
Submitted by aryasblearning on

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introduction conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph that clearly states the writer's position on the advantages and disadvantages of private companies funding scientific research. There is also an absence of a concluding paragraph to summarize the main points.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is weak, and ideas are presented in an unclear manner. Paragraphs should be better organized, with clear topic sentences introducing each paragraph and subsequent sentences expanding on the topic sentence.
supported main points
Ensure that each paragraph expands on a single idea related to the advantages and disadvantages mentioned, providing clear and relevant examples for support.
complete response
Make sure to address the question directly and develop your ideas fully. The essay should reflect a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay should present clear and comprehensive ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to back them up. Refrain from making vague statements without sufficient evidence.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the topic to illustrate the points being made. This adds credibility to the argument and helps in achieving a higher band score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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