The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons

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The given bar graph compares the proportion of

men

Use synonyms

and

women

Use synonyms

in Australia among seven different occupations in the year 2023. It's obvious that the number of males in most of the above jobs surpasses that of females,especially tradespersons work almost monopolized by

men

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

there were two of them,professionals and clerical,in which females were more than males.

According to

Linking Words

the occupational data,the biggest sexual gap was tradespersons,in which

men

Use synonyms

employed were nine times as many as

women

Use synonyms

'.Next came managers and production,which showed

men

Use synonyms

were three times and five times more than

women

Use synonyms

respectively.At the same time,there were the same patterns for semi-professionals and labourers that

men

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were a little bit more than

women

Use synonyms

On the contrary

Linking Words

, female workers were more interested in being professionals and clerical.

Women

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clerical which was

also

Linking Words

the most popular job in Australia, was slightly more than

men

Use synonyms

,nearly by 50.

while

Linking Words

the proportion of females as professionals was

also

Linking Words

a little bit higher than that of males ,by almost 40.

Submitted by andy8610181018 on Wed Jan 17 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

163 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Employment figures
Sectors
Significant disparities
Gender balance
Skewed
Trends
Patterns
Dominant
Inferred
Labor market
Year-on-year comparison
Insights
Implications

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The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Instead of revealing the truth, the mass media very often misguides people. What are the reasons behind this and the visible effects on the society at large?

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

The best way to make roads safer is to make vehicle drivers take a driving test each year.