IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people like to travel to somewhere new and different when they go on holiday, while others prefer familiar places? Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages to visiting new places ?

#people #travel #holiday #places
Some
people
 prefer to go on
trip
Add an article
a trip
show examples
 to somewhere new or
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 that has been changed, at the same time some others choose to go on
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 holiday
trip
.
People
 with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 should go on vacations around new places and new cultures.
Large
Change the article
A large
The large
show examples
 number of
people
 like to go on
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
trip
 during the holidays.
This
 is because for some
people
place
 and locals
doesn’t
Change the verb form
don’t
show examples
 matter. They just want to relax and enjoy, going to
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
place
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 benefits for
Add an article
a traveler
show examples
traveler
Change the spelling
traveller
show examples
 like they know a lot about the
place
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 local
people
, restaurants and hotels.
This
 means that they don’t get scammed like paying over the price, and another one of the examples that, is not getting lost. There will be always pros and cons, one of the biggest cons about going on
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 vacation is not
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 or
experience
Wrong verb form
experiencing
show examples
 new things.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 some others like to go on vacation to new places. Best advantages
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fresh location. Is
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
able to improve networking skills, by chatting with locals, getting
know
Fix the infinitive
to know
show examples
people
 around them,
builds
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 confidence and
helps
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 them to
making
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 new friends.
This
 means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it opens opportunities to learn more about their culture.
According to
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 one of the big cons
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
trip
Add an article
a trip
the trip
show examples
 to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 location is culture shock, by getting
touch
Change preposition
in touch
show examples
 with locals might be the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the problem. Many
people
 like to arrange trips to new places or the
place
 that unlike to
last
place
 they went
, mean
Change preposition
to, mean
show examples
 time number of
people
 like to go on
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 to
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
place
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit significantly from a clearer and more logical structure. It is important to use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that links back to the question. This ensures that your argument is easy to follow and coherent to the reader. Additionally, using transitional phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs can create a better flow.
task achievement
While you addressed the task prompt, the response could be more fully developed. Be sure to directly answer the question posed by clearly stating if there are more advantages or disadvantages to visiting new places, and providing balanced arguments for both sides before reaching a conclusion. This will demonstrate a complete understanding and engagement with the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: