Some people choose a career, according to the social status and salary it will give them. Others choose a career, according to whether they will enjoy the work. Which do you think is the best way to choose a career? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Deciding a profession is an important milestone in our life. It is
evedent
Correct your spelling
evident
that a part of people
select
Change the verb form
selects
show examples
their
job
according to
the social status and
remunaration
Correct your spelling
remuneration
from that meanwhile other
part
Change the wording
parts
show examples
of
indivudulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
choose the
profesion
Correct your spelling
profession
in which they enjoy and
satisfactio
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
. I think both these play
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crucila
Correct your spelling
crucial
roles in choosing a career.
However
, I personally believe that selecting a
work
according to
our enjoyment would be the best way.
Firstly
, Picking a
job
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
considering salaries and other financial benefits
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
us towards a wealthy life where we have all
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
facilities to live a quality life. What
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
mean by
this
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
money is essential to meet our daily needs and wants as we wish. And
thus
, it may be a factor which can influence a person deciding his vocation.
For example
, in Sri Lanka, many poor pupils spend a lot of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
their studies
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
a result 90 per cent of those students probably look after the
monetory
Correct your spelling
monetary
gain from a
job
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand, determining an occupation in which a person has
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
gives him immense happiness and satisfaction.
This
is to say
, Everyone
Correct your spelling
that everyone
has their own dreams to be in their future and
also
they
work
hard
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
achieve
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. So, it is important that thinking about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyment and peacefulness when selecting a
work
is crucial. nowadays,
moreover
, many youngsters decide
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
according to
their
intersest
Correct your spelling
interest
interests
such
as
youtubers
Correct your spelling
YouTubers
and journalists.
To conclude
,
monetory
Correct your spelling
monetary
rewards and
work
enjoyment are the main
determinant
Change the noun form
determinants
show examples
of an
individuals's
Remove the s
individuals'
show examples
employment and people always love to choose their
job
as per their passion but financial circumstances sometimes make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
go behind the career which
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
them
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of money.
Submitted by ajeevatharsan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
It's important to process and organize your thoughts clearly. The essay should have a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, with clear paragraphing. You should work on creating stronger topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
A range of linking words is required, but the overuse or mechanical use can lower your score. Aim for fluent and natural use of language. Pay attention to spelling errors, including incorrect use of plurals ('indivudulas', 'profesion', 'monetory', 'pupils', 'intersest'), and misplaced letters ('evedent', 'remunaration', 'satisfactio', 'crucila', 'vocation'). These can significantly affect the reader's understanding and the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You should fully address all parts of the task. Your essay must do more than simply state what you believe; you must also explain and support your views with evidence or examples. If you opt to discuss both viewpoints, they must be clearly and equally presented. Work on expanding and clearly supporting your main ideas. Avoid unsupported statements and ensure your examples are detailed and relevant to the point being made. Inconsistencies in spellings such as 'monetory gain' and colloquial expressions or informal language ('what I mean by this', 'as we wish') are not suitable for formal essay writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • job satisfaction
  • social stature
  • monetary compensation
  • vocational passion
  • societal norms
  • pragmatism
  • longevity
  • intrinsic motivation
  • external pressures
  • economic stability
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • prosperity
  • self-actualization
  • financial pragmatism
  • career trajectory
  • vocational contentment
  • occupational prestige
  • personal alignment
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!