IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Adverts for beer, wine and spirits are now banned in many nations.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 idea because drinking can lead to serious health problems and
advertises
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
 can often influence people to drink more than they should. Advertising alcoholic drinks should be banned because
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is harmful to a person's health. Drinking too much
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 several conditions including liver cirrhosis, gallbladder carcinoma, diabetes and brain damage.
This
Linking Words
 puts a huge strain on the health services and not only causes suffering to the patients but
also
Linking Words
 to their families.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 example, Russia had a huge problem with alcoholism and many men were dying from
alcohol
Use synonyms
-related diseases, but after they decided to stop companies promoting
alcohol
Use synonyms
 beverages on TV and in prints and, it resulted in a huge reduction of
such
Linking Words
 cases. Another reason why the promotion of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited is the fact that it influences people unfairly to buy that product. The main goal of any advertising campaign is to sell more and
this
Linking Words
 could be seen as irresponsible considering the harm drinking can do. Commercials often make certain drink brands look cool, in order to sway potential customers and don't actually talk about the dangers.
For example
Linking Words
, Hennessy adverts often portray attractive men and women in a lavish setting, drinking cognac with a beautiful woman. In conclusion,
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is a hazardous product and advertisers should not be allowed to try and convince people to drink it
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I
therefore
Linking Words
 believe that more countries should ban the advertising of liquor.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the essay contains a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Also, it's important to fully explore and support each main point with explanatory examples as these should clearly relate to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for logical organisation of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph flows naturally to the next by using cohesive devices effectively. Supporting points should fit within a structured argument, with clear topic sentences introducing the point of each paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: