General Training Writing Task 1 Your loval hospital has advertised for people to do unpaid work for helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter: - Explain why you would like to do unpaid work at the hospital - say what type of unpaid work you would be able to do - give detais of when you would be availble for this work. Write at least 150 words

#people #work #time #type #detais #availble

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing

this

letter because I have seen your advertisement about doing unpaid work in your hospital. I would like to offer myself as an enlistee to serve the ill people and bring a good time for them in my spare time. Regarding

this

, I had

doing

Change the verb form

done

show examples

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

work before at my sister’s hospital. She took me to her hospital in

summer

Correct article usage

the summer

show examples

when I was 15 years old and I learned some basic serving to the

patients

check

Wrong verb form

checking

show examples

their body temperature and blood pressure.

Moreover

, some

patients

give

Wrong verb form

gave

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

candy and

souvenir

Fix the agreement mistake

souvenirs

show examples

, they

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

told me their stories, and I think

its

Correct your spelling

it was

show examples

enjoyable

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

made an amazing memory for me.

Accordingly

, I can assist a novice act like

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

a storyteller,

help

Wrong verb form

helping

show examples

the

patients

move

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

bring

Wrong verb form

bringing

show examples

them meals even

clean

Wrong verb form

cleaning

show examples

up their bodies. Anyway, I can do the work from 3:00 PM until 7:00 PM in Sunday. I will make my 4 hours to be biggest help for the staffs and

patients

in your hospital. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Dodi Darmawan

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Wed Jan 17 2024

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coherence cohesion

The letter would benefit from a clearer structure, including an opening paragraph that introduces the purpose, followed by separate paragraphs for each point required by the task. This will aid in logical progression and coherence.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph presents a single idea or point. This will improve readability and help to maintain a clear focus throughout the letter.

task achievement

Elaborate more on your personal motivation for wanting to do unpaid work, the specific type of work you can do, and provide a more detailed schedule of your availability to fully respond to the task given.

task achievement

A professional tone is appropriate for correspondence with a hospital. Maintain a more formal tone throughout and avoid casual phrases that could detract from the seriousness of the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

184 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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