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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts below provide information about percentages of students who are proficient in foreign language in different countries.

The bar charts below provide information about percentages of students who are proficient in foreign language in different countries.
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The chart shows data about percentages of students' fluency in foreign
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 in six different nations.
Overall
Linking Words
, the students either male
and
Correct word choice
or
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 female from India can speak most in
abroad
Correct article usage
the abroad
show examples
language
Use synonyms
, followed by Romanian, Vietnam, Russia, Thailand and China. The trends of each country
signifies
Change the verb form
signify
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 that female speaks proficiently in foreign
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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,
exclude
Wrong verb form
excluding
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 Thailand. To specify these
learners
Change noun form
learners'
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 gender, it is found that men in India are multi-lingual by recording roughly 55%, followed by
Romanian's
Change noun form
Romanian
show examples
language
Use synonyms
enthusiast
Fix the agreement mistake
enthusiasts
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 with slightly over 40%,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 almost under 40% of male speakers
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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likes to engage outside their native languages come from Vietnam, Russia and Thailand
thus
Linking Words
 leaving China in
last
Linking Words
 position by recording less than 20%. In
girls'
Correct article usage
the girls'
show examples
 category, India leads the percentage
from
Change preposition
of
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 all countries participating with around 68%, slightly over
than
Change preposition
apply
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Romania with
estimated
Correct article usage
an estimated
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 65%, and third by Vietnam
around
Change preposition
at around
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 58%. The other countries maintain their positions
in
Change preposition
from
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 42% to slightly under 30%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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