IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.

The chart below shows the changes in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.
#changes #three #areas #crime #machester #city #centre
The line graph illustrates the difference in
burglary
, car theft, and robbery in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 centre of Manchester between 2003 and 2012.
Overall
it is clear that
initially
cases
 related to
burglary
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 highest but declined in later years
whereas
 robbery
cases
 were the lowest and
not
Add a missing verb
did not
show examples
much
Add a missing verb
have much
show examples
 difference throughout
year
Add an article
the year
show examples
. The car theft
cases
 increased which replaced the
burglary
. In 2004, the
burglary
cases
 were increased around 3800 but showed a sudden decrease till 2008.
Then
,
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2009 to 2012, the
cases
Change the noun form
case
show examples
 number
not
Add a missing verb
has not
show examples
 changed from 1500.
On the other hand
, the number of car
theft
Fix the agreement mistake
thefts
show examples
 were
initially
 decreased till 2006 from 2400 to 2000
whereas
 a dramatic
rose
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
cases
 from 2000 to 2800 in the
last
year
.
In contrast
, the robbery
cases
 from
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
year
 were just above 500 and in the final
year
 were
also
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 which had
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 much differences and they were
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 numbers of
cases
 in Manchester.
Submitted by jeenusarah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially, whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words burglary, cases, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: