IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In most countries people prefer to rent rather than buying them? Write advantage and disadvantages of renting home?

#countries #people #rent #advantage #home
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It is argued that in some countries society tends to lease houses
instead
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 of owning them.
This
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 could give benefits and some detrimental effects.
Therefore
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, in
this
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 essay, I would like to elucidate both views and give some relevant evidence. Nowadays, it is obvious that purchasing a resident is
so
Rephrase
very
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 expensive. Not all
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 have the capacity to pay for a building in cash,
therefore
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 they need to take a mortgage loan and it takes a long time to settle the debt.
As a result
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, they prefer to
rent
Use synonyms
 a
house
Use synonyms
 or an apartment than
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 them. Undoubtedly, there are some advantages of renting a
house
Use synonyms
 than buying it. The foremost benefit is people can save and invest their
money
Use synonyms
 so that they can get more returns. Investing in stock markets is one of the examples that could generate
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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money
Use synonyms
 and get a passive income.
This
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,
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apply
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 will
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
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 more profits than owning a building.
Besides
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, people do not have to pay an instalment of
mortgage
Correct article usage
a mortgage
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 loan because they just
rent
Use synonyms
 their houses.
Moreover
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, some people can allocate the
money
Use synonyms
 to more urgent aspects
such
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 as education or emergency
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 in case there is trouble in the future.
On the other hand
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, renting without buying a residence is
such
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 a waste of time. Every month, the ones who
rent
Use synonyms
 need to pay the landlords. Let's say the
rent
Use synonyms
 is about 3 million rupiahs. If they could use the
money
Use synonyms
 to be allocated to buy a
house
Use synonyms
 in a mortgage, they could own a
house
Use synonyms
 in the next 15 years.
Furthermore
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, not owning a
house
Use synonyms
 could create a possibility of being evicted by the real owner of the
house
Use synonyms
 that gives the
rent
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, when the
rent
Use synonyms
 is due but we do not have the
money
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 to pay the
rent
Use synonyms
, the owner will
be easily evict
Change the verb form
easily evict
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 us in no time.
To conclude
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, the phenomenon of renting houses
instead
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 of owning them gives advantages and some disadvantages.
Therefore
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, society needs to consider both views to get the best results.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure that flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Transitions can be improved for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score in introduction and conclusion, continue to maintain a clear position throughout your response, which you have done well, and ensure to reiterate your main points succinctly in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. Specificity can enhance the argument and demonstrate a fuller understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, making sure to cover the advantages and disadvantages of renting comprehensively. The essay has a good attempt, but can be expanded with further detail.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas presented are clear and comprehensive. Aim to elaborate on points to fully convey the complexity of the argument.
task achievement
Use examples that are relevant and specific to the essay question to effectively support your points, such as citing real-world statistics or trends that relate to renting vs. owning homes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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