IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

In developed countries, the life quality in urban territories is much higher than in villages.
That is
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 why the
population
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 migrate to big cities from rural areas. It causes two main problems
such
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 as childbirth decreasing and the loss agricultural
sector
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 of the economy. There are two main solutions that can be provided to eliminate these issues.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who live in rural areas observe
children
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 as a main support in work. After achieving the age of 12 or even
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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children
Use synonyms
 help to work and bring additional value to a family. Despite it can be observed as a child's exploitation, it works even at the present time.
On the contrary
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, growth of the urban
children
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 is much more expensive and brings nothing in terms of profitability.
Consequently
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, the
population
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 in a country become older and decreases as well. One of the necessary solutions is the special government policy of additional funding which supports having at least three
children
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 in families.
For example
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, the policy of one child in China or at least two babies in Russia give their results in changing the
population
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 number.
Secondly
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, the migration of
people
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 to urban areas kills the agricultural
sector
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 of the economy. So to say, there are no workers in
this
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 sphere.
Thus
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, a country loses its national food
sector
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 which has been quite dangerous in recent years.
Moreover
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, food which is delivered from other countries is not so fresh and healthy because transportation requires to use of special chemistry which prolongs the food life expectancy.
This
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 problem can be reduced by the government which provides subsidies and makes agriculture quite attractive and lucrative to
people
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.
For instance
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, government support in Poland allows for a rebirth of the agricultural
sector
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.
To sum up
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, in the present time,
people
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 migrate to cities because of the high life levels.
Accordingly
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 to
this
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, countries face with decrease in
population
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 and the disappearance of agriculture as the national economy
sector
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. Only the support and sponsorship of authority can guarantee solutions to these problems.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay follows a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should flow naturally into the next. Use transitional phrases and summarize key points effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Keep the introduction and conclusion clear and concise, effectively bookending your arguments. These should clearly state the topic and your main points, and then summarize your arguments and restate your position at the end.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each main point is well supported with evidence, examples, or explanations to strengthen your argument. Avoid general statements without clear support.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task and provide a clear answer to each question posed in the prompt. Make sure you fully develop your response with clear ideas and relevant examples.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas in a comprehensive manner. By providing a more in-depth analysis and expanding on the reasons behind your points, your response will become more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples to back up your claims. These can come from real-world events, studies, or hypothetical scenarios that clearly relate to the topic.
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