IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university education, and that government should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

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When it comes to the right of
university
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education
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 accessibility, there is a
hot-potato
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hot potato
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 debate over whether the government should remove fees for all sorts of
students
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 or not. Despite the supporting argument, I am inclined to disagree with
this
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 statement, as
this
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 action leads to a series of negative implications. On one hand, it is undeniable that some particular groups of pupils should receive financial assistance to get to
university
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. The primary reason for
this
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 is to provide
students
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 with equal opportunities so that even lower-income households would be able to send their children to
university
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.
For instance
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, Texas
University
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 provides gifted
students
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 with full-ride scholarships that can encourage them to fully devote themselves to the pursuit of knowledge without fearing burdened tuition fees.
Additionally
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,
this
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 policy is a potential precursor for a highly educated population. Thanks to universalized tertiary
education
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, a greater number of people can become academic experts, enhancing the intellectual level of the whole society.
On the other hand
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, there would be a new financial burden for the public.
While
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 our resources are severely limited
but
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apply
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the demand that has to be satisfied is very high,
Correct word choice
and universities
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universities
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and universities
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 require additional funding to teach a wider range of
students
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, which may have negative consequences. Taxpayers would be disaffected if their hard-earned money was used to support groups of people whose material contribution to society was deemed nebulous. Take the California State
University
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 (CSU) System as an example, when it received significant funding increases to expand student enrollment and improve graduation rates in 2015;
however
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, reports emerged of overcrowded classrooms, limited student support services, and faculty shortages, leading to concerns about the quality of
education
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.
Besides
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, larger class sizes
,
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apply
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 slashed funding for essential services, and compromised academic freedom—
these
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apply
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are the potential downsides of universities chasing increased funding to open their doors wider. In conclusion, I believe
university
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education
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 should not be free for all. As well-meaning as
this
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 course of action may sound, it would be an inefficient use of resources and not without risks.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear position throughout, consider developing your thesis further to fully address the extent to which you agree or disagree. The task requires a discussion of the degree of your stance, which was not explicitly noted.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows good logical progression. However, some ideas could be elaborated on further to enhance the logical structure. Transitions between ideas need to be smooth, ensuring that the reader can easily follow along.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively across the essay. This will also help in making sure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next.
task achievement
Including a final paragraph that summaries your main points and restates your thesis can help strengthen your conclusion. This reinforces your position and provides a final insight for the reader.
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