In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.  Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Rcently
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Recently
, more and more
people
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in the countryside all over the globe are relocating to urban
areas
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, which results mostly from unemployment and job deficiency in hometowns. For me,
this
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happens to be a negative movement since it leads to pressure on
cities
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in many aspects
as well as
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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of labour in the
countrysides
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countryside
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. First of all, rural residents are making a move from all
areas
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to
metropolian
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metropolitan
areas
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to seek better job opportunities and the modern lifestyle they barely see back home, especially a majority of young
people
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.
As a result
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,
cities
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designed to hold a certain capacity now have to take in
people
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from the
surbubs
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suburbs
that stress them out to an extreme extent. Significantly, traffic gets worse, public transport gets overloaded and the unemployment rate is lifted up
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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all
what
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that
show examples
cities
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have
to stand
Verb problem
apply
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.
For example
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, it was reported in 2019 that China
has
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apply
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faced
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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relocation movement where the
cities
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were claiming that the living standards and
also
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essentials
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
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way
Add a missing verb
were way
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higher since the food supply was not enough for that big number of residents at that
time
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. On another note, businesses in more rural
areas
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tend to be negatively impacted
due to
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the lack of workers in the working age still remaining
home
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at home
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.
Furthermore
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, these towns are
seeing
Verb problem
apply
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covered with gloominess because young and
also
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in-working-age workers left mostly the elderly and children behind. The instance taken is
also
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in China, these towns
looks
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look
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gradually dead over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
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as they have not been seeing
energetic
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energy
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for a long
time
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. Those
people
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just crowd
in
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into
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cities
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to make
Correct article usage
a livings
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livings
Fix the agreement mistake
living
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and send allowance back home for
thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
old parents and young kids, who cannot
cotribute
Correct your spelling
contribute
much to the local economy. In conclusion,
such
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city moving trend is likely to benefit
people
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at first but actually contributes to hardships attached along on a regular basis later. At the same
time
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, the shortage of workers in hometowns is killing them as the local economy is badly damaged
accordingly
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. For those concerns, I do not see
such
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development as a
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
development.
Submitted by camcat.viking on

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coherence cohesion
Be vigilant of typographical and grammatical errors, as these can detract significantly from the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, there are misspellings such as 'rcently', 'metropolian', 'surbubs', 'cotribute', which could have been avoided with careful proofreading.
coherence cohesion
Enhance clarity by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed fully. While your essay contains relevant points, some paragraphs meander and could benefit from stronger topic sentences and focused examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer and more comprehensive introduction that outlines the scope of the discussion. Additionally, your conclusion should do more than summarize; it needs to demonstrate a final, reasoned opinion based on the arguments provided.
task achievement
Your response to the task could be more complete by directly addressing the question of whether the development is positive or negative throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. While you provide some reasons for your view, a more thorough exploration of counterarguments or nuances would enhance your argument.
task achievement
For a more clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas, make sure to fully support your arguments. Consider adding supporting data or specific, detailed examples to back up your points and lend credibility to your essay.
task achievement
To score higher, ensure that all examples provided are relevant and specific to the prompt. While you did include some examples, they could be more pertinent and detailed to clearly illustrate your arguments and connect directly back to the question.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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