In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Rcently
, more and more Correct your spelling
Recently
people
in the countryside all over the globe are relocating to urban areas
, which results mostly from unemployment and job deficiency in hometowns. For me, this
happens to be a negative movement since it leads to pressure on cities
in many aspects as well as
lack
of labour in the Correct article usage
a lack
countrysides
.
First of all, rural residents are making a move from all Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
areas
to metropolian
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
areas
to seek better job opportunities and the modern lifestyle they barely see back home, especially a majority of young people
. As a result
, cities
designed to hold a certain capacity now have to take in people
from the surbubs
that stress them out to an extreme extent. Significantly, traffic gets worse, public transport gets overloaded and the unemployment rate is lifted up Correct your spelling
suburbs
are
all Unnecessary verb
apply
what
Change the word
that
cities
have to stand
. Verb problem
apply
For example
, it was reported in 2019 that China has
faced Unnecessary verb
apply
huge
relocation movement where the Correct article usage
a huge
cities
were claiming that the living standards and also
essentials cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
way
higher since the food supply was not enough for that big number of residents at that Add a missing verb
were way
time
.
On another note, businesses in more rural areas
tend to be negatively impacted due to
the lack of workers in the working age still remaining home
. Change preposition
at home
Furthermore
, these towns are seeing
covered with gloominess because young and Verb problem
apply
also
in-working-age workers left mostly the elderly and children behind. The instance taken is also
in China, these towns looks
gradually dead over Change the verb form
look
the
Correct article usage
apply
time
as they have not been seeing energetic
for a long Replace the word
energy
time
. Those people
just crowd in
Change preposition
into
cities
to make Correct article usage
a livings
livings
and send allowance back home for Fix the agreement mistake
living
thei
old parents and young kids, who cannot Correct your spelling
their
the
cotribute
much to the local economy.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
contribute
such
city moving trend is likely to benefit people
at first but actually contributes to hardships attached along on a regular basis later. At the same time
, the shortage of workers in hometowns is killing them as the local economy is badly damaged accordingly
. For those concerns, I do not see such
development as a postive
development.Correct your spelling
positive
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coherence cohesion
Be vigilant of typographical and grammatical errors, as these can detract significantly from the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, there are misspellings such as 'rcently', 'metropolian', 'surbubs', 'cotribute', which could have been avoided with careful proofreading.
coherence cohesion
Enhance clarity by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed fully. While your essay contains relevant points, some paragraphs meander and could benefit from stronger topic sentences and focused examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer and more comprehensive introduction that outlines the scope of the discussion. Additionally, your conclusion should do more than summarize; it needs to demonstrate a final, reasoned opinion based on the arguments provided.
task achievement
Your response to the task could be more complete by directly addressing the question of whether the development is positive or negative throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. While you provide some reasons for your view, a more thorough exploration of counterarguments or nuances would enhance your argument.
task achievement
For a more clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas, make sure to fully support your arguments. Consider adding supporting data or specific, detailed examples to back up your points and lend credibility to your essay.
task achievement
To score higher, ensure that all examples provided are relevant and specific to the prompt. While you did include some examples, they could be more pertinent and detailed to clearly illustrate your arguments and connect directly back to the question.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?