Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
In the modern world,
financial
Replace the word
finances
is
an Correct subject-verb agreement
are
affeted
to many Correct your spelling
affected
people
life or increase Change noun form
people's
significant
the number of credit Change the adjective
significantly
card
per person.Some Fix the agreement mistake
cards
people
suggest that purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
items
that they don't need by use
Change the form of the verb
using
credit
Correct article usage
a credit
cardis
better than Correct your spelling
card is
cards
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
items
from
Change preposition
with
cash
. Personally
I am Add a comma
Personally,
stongly
with the Correct your spelling
strongly
later
viewpoint.
It is undeniable thatCorrect your spelling
latter
,
the Remove the comma
apply
dept
crisis is the main Correct your spelling
debt
problem
for many countries.The main reasons
why Fix the agreement mistake
reason
dept
increase
because they buy Change the verb form
increases
newthing
but they don't need.Correct your spelling
new things
In other words
, the advertisement is relate
to Change the verb form
is related
dept
crisis because some Correct your spelling
the
people
incite
Wrong verb form
are incited
from
the ads. Change preposition
by
For
example
the new arrival of Add a comma
example,
Correct article usage
the iphone
iphone that
Correct your spelling
iPhone has
impact
to Wrong verb form
impacted
dept
of some people
, because they want to buy
.Correct pronoun usage
buy it
Moreover
, the majority dept
is luxury items
such
as gold, diamond and jewelry
.Many Change the spelling
jewellery
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
Add a missing verb
are concern
concern
about Replace the word
concerned
dept
Correct your spelling
the
problem
so they encoura
.Correct your spelling
encourage
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
dept
should control
by Wrong verb form
be controlled
individual
using the Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
knowledge
.
On the other hand
, the
Correct article usage
apply
money
management is the best way for solving
Change preposition
to solve
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
crisis
. Many Fix the agreement mistake
crises
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
Add a missing verb
are concern
concern
about Replace the word
concerned
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
problem
so, they encourage Fix the agreement mistake
problems
peoplemoney
management Correct your spelling
people's
knowledge
.The main method for solve
the problems is Change the verb form
solving
plan
for purchase.Add an article
a plan
the plan
Furthermore
if you use Add a comma
Furthermore,
cash
for
buy Change preposition
to
items
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
encourage
you to plan for Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
manage
Change the verb form
managing
cash
.In some store
you must pay by Fix the agreement mistake
stores
cash
only and that not
impact Add a missing verb
does not
to
your Change preposition
apply
dpet
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
debt
dept
is the main financial Add an article
the dept
problem
of every people
and that related
to the Add a missing verb
is related
money
using behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
by
Change preposition
of
individauls
.Correct your spelling
individuals
Whereas
if you has
a Change the verb form
have
knowledge
for
Change preposition
of
money
management that
can Correct pronoun usage
apply
contol
and Correct your spelling
control
solving
the problems. Wrong verb form
solve
Overall
, I Verb problem
apply
am
strongly believe should think before Unnecessary verb
apply
Wrong verb form
buying
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
Correct article usage
an item
item
and manage your Correct article usage
an item
money
Change preposition
with
by
Change preposition
with
knowledge
.Submitted by kungslowjam on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an inadequate logical structure. To improve, ensure that your ideas are arranged in a clear and logical manner, where each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Use linking words and transitional phrases to better connect your points.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they are not effectively developed. Your introduction should clearly state the topic along with your thesis statement, and your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your thesis in a different way, emphasizing the implications or suggestions for the future.
coherence cohesion
The main points you've made lack adequate support and development. Expand on your ideas with clear, specific, and relevant examples or evidence. Make sure each paragraph contains one main idea and several sentences that elaborate on that idea in detail.
task achievement
Your response to the task only partially fulfills the requirements. It is necessary to address all parts of the task more completely. Make sure to directly answer the questions posed in the prompt, discussing both the reasons behind the problem and the possible solutions.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear, but there is a lack of comprehensive explanation. Strive to fully develop your arguments with detailed analysis and exposition. Clear reasoning and elaboration is crucial to make your ideas comprehensive.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is minimal. To strengthen your essay, include detailed examples that are directly related to the points you're trying to make. These examples are essential to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.