IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

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In the modern world,
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 an
affeted
Correct your spelling
affected
 to many
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life or increase
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 the number of credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 per person.Some
people
Use synonyms
 suggest that
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
show examples
items
Use synonyms
 that they don't need by
use
Change the form of the verb
using
show examples
credit
Correct article usage
a credit
show examples
cardis
Correct your spelling
card is
cards
 better than
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
items
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
cash
Use synonyms
.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
 I am
stongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 viewpoint. It is undeniable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
show examples
 crisis is the main
problem
Use synonyms
 for many countries.The main
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 why
dept
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 because they buy
newthing
Correct your spelling
new things
 but they don't need.
In other words
Linking Words
, the advertisement
is relate
Change the verb form
is related
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
dept
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 crisis because some
people
Use synonyms
incite
Wrong verb form
are incited
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the ads.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 the new arrival of
Correct article usage
the iphone
show examples
iphone that
Correct your spelling
iPhone has
show examples
impact
Wrong verb form
impacted
show examples
 to
dept
Use synonyms
 of some
people
Use synonyms
, because they want to
buy
Correct pronoun usage
buy it
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the majority
dept
Use synonyms
 is luxury
items
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as gold, diamond and
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
.Many
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about
Use synonyms
dept
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
 so they
encoura
Correct your spelling
encourage
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
dept
Use synonyms
 should
control
Wrong verb form
be controlled
show examples
 by
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 using the
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 management is the best way
for solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
Use synonyms
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
show examples
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
. Many
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about
Use synonyms
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
show examples
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 so, they encourage
peoplemoney
Correct your spelling
people's
 management
knowledge
Use synonyms
.The main method for
solve
Change the verb form
solving
show examples
 the problems is
plan
Add an article
a plan
the plan
show examples
 for purchase.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 if you use
cash
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy
items
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 you to plan for
manage
Change the verb form
managing
show examples
cash
Use synonyms
.In some
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 you must pay by
cash
Use synonyms
 only and that
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
dpet
Correct your spelling
debt
. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
dept
Add an article
the dept
show examples
 is the main financial
problem
Use synonyms
 of every
people
Use synonyms
 and that
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
 to the
money
Use synonyms
 using
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
individauls
Correct your spelling
individuals
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 if you
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a
knowledge
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 management
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
contol
Correct your spelling
control
 and
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 the problems.
Overall
Linking Words
, I
Verb problem
apply
show examples
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
strongly believe should think before
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
Correct article usage
an item
show examples
item
Correct article usage
an item
show examples
 and manage your
money
Use synonyms
Change preposition
with
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an inadequate logical structure. To improve, ensure that your ideas are arranged in a clear and logical manner, where each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Use linking words and transitional phrases to better connect your points.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they are not effectively developed. Your introduction should clearly state the topic along with your thesis statement, and your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your thesis in a different way, emphasizing the implications or suggestions for the future.
coherence cohesion
The main points you've made lack adequate support and development. Expand on your ideas with clear, specific, and relevant examples or evidence. Make sure each paragraph contains one main idea and several sentences that elaborate on that idea in detail.
task achievement
Your response to the task only partially fulfills the requirements. It is necessary to address all parts of the task more completely. Make sure to directly answer the questions posed in the prompt, discussing both the reasons behind the problem and the possible solutions.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear, but there is a lack of comprehensive explanation. Strive to fully develop your arguments with detailed analysis and exposition. Clear reasoning and elaboration is crucial to make your ideas comprehensive.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is minimal. To strengthen your essay, include detailed examples that are directly related to the points you're trying to make. These examples are essential to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • financial literacy
  • impulse buying
  • credit score
  • debt management
  • sustainable living
  • emotional spending
  • budgeting skills
  • peer pressure
  • retail therapy
  • frugality
  • credit limit
  • financial counseling
  • minimalistic lifestyle
What to do next:
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