IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people encourage young people to travel and study.... Give some advantages and disadvantages

#people #travel #study
In the contemporary era, travelling
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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an
Change the article
apply
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increasingly popular among the
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
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 for the purpose of getting higher schooling. Anyways,there
are
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is
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significant
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a significant
the significant
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 number of people suggest youngers to visit foreign countries for
further
education
.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both the merits and demerits of
this
 ongoing debate.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 the benefits of migrating to
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 countries for tertiary
education
 would
able
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 to generate more knowledge and skills which
further
 helps in getting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in multinational companies with higher salary
package
Fix the agreement mistake
packages
show examples
.
For instance
,
Add an article
a student
the student
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student
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students
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with
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from
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 two
countries
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countries'
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education
 always
have
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has
show examples
upper
Add an article
the upper
an upper
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 hand
to get
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in getting
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select
Replace the word
selected
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 in
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an interview
the interview
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interview
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interviews
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 as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
native
Add an article
the native
a native
show examples
 job
seeker
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seekers
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.
Moreover
, one can easily get the chance to learn more about the
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 and culture of that
country
 with the help of other members with whom they are studying or working. On the flip side, there are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of cons of leaving your own
country
 for the purpose of higher studies
such
 as huge money, brain drain and so on. It is not an easy task to get admission
in
Change preposition
to
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foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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country
 as it requires
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
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 amount of money in the form of fees and living expenses which becomes a burden on the shoulders of parents sometimes.
In addition
, the
country
 might lose the best talent which
resilts
Correct your spelling
results
 in the lack of facilities in
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
country
 in future in the field of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
education
 and
medical
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medicine
show examples
.
Apart from
this
,
mental
Add an article
the mental
a mental
show examples
 and physical problem arises
due to
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
 of
home sickness
Correct your spelling
homesickness
show examples
 and stress. In conclusion,studying abroad is fruitful in the form
exploring
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of exploring
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 new
culture
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cultures
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 and job opportunities,
while
 there are chances of disturbing own's health with depression
due to
 lack of family support.
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, clearly state the essay's purpose and your opinion or the main points that the essay will cover.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific examples and details. Use paragraphs to expand on these points, and make sure they clearly relate back to the central argument of the essay.
task achievement
Address the task completely by ensuring that all parts of the prompt are covered. State the advantages and disadvantages clearly and support them with relevant reasons and examples.
task achievement
Strive for fully developed ideas that clearly relate to the task's topic. Ideas should be explained and elaborated on to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Use real-world scenarios, statistics, or research when possible to bolster your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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