IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people encourage young people to travel and study.... Give some advantages and disadvantages

#people #travel #study
In the contemporary era, travelling
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
increasingly popular among the
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
show examples
 for the purpose of getting higher schooling. Anyways,there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
significant
Change the article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 number of people suggest youngers to visit foreign countries for
further
education
.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both the merits and demerits of
this
 ongoing debate.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 the benefits of migrating to
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 countries for tertiary
education
 would
able
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 to generate more knowledge and skills which
further
 helps in getting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in multinational companies with higher salary
package
Fix the agreement mistake
packages
show examples
.
For instance
,
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 two
countries
Change noun form
countries'
show examples
education
 always
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
upper
Add an article
the upper
an upper
show examples
 hand
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
select
Replace the word
selected
show examples
 in
Add an article
an interview
the interview
show examples
interview
Fix the agreement mistake
interviews
show examples
 as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
native
Add an article
the native
a native
show examples
 job
seeker
Fix the agreement mistake
seekers
show examples
.
Moreover
, one can easily get the chance to learn more about the
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 and culture of that
country
 with the help of other members with whom they are studying or working. On the flip side, there are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of cons of leaving your own
country
 for the purpose of higher studies
such
 as huge money, brain drain and so on. It is not an easy task to get admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
country
 as it requires
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 amount of money in the form of fees and living expenses which becomes a burden on the shoulders of parents sometimes.
In addition
, the
country
 might lose the best talent which
resilts
Correct your spelling
results
 in the lack of facilities in
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
country
 in future in the field of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
education
 and
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
.
Apart from
this
,
mental
Add an article
the mental
a mental
show examples
 and physical problem arises
due to
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
 of
home sickness
Correct your spelling
homesickness
show examples
 and stress. In conclusion,studying abroad is fruitful in the form
exploring
Change preposition
of exploring
show examples
 new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and job opportunities,
while
 there are chances of disturbing own's health with depression
due to
 lack of family support.
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, clearly state the essay's purpose and your opinion or the main points that the essay will cover.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific examples and details. Use paragraphs to expand on these points, and make sure they clearly relate back to the central argument of the essay.
task achievement
Address the task completely by ensuring that all parts of the prompt are covered. State the advantages and disadvantages clearly and support them with relevant reasons and examples.
task achievement
Strive for fully developed ideas that clearly relate to the task's topic. Ideas should be explained and elaborated on to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Use real-world scenarios, statistics, or research when possible to bolster your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: