IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that parents should limit the time their children spend watching TV and playing computer games and encourage them to read books instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, quite a lot of
children
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 keen on spending
time
Use synonyms
 on screen,
such
Linking Words
 as playing online games or watching TV. I am convinced that
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 should be restricted by their parents, and more
time
Use synonyms
 should be focused on
readings
Correct your spelling
reading
show examples
instead
Linking Words
. One of
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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regarding
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint could be related to
children
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
. For physical
health
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,
according to
Linking Words
 several scientific findings and people's common sense, spending
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 duration
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
electronic
Add an article
the electronic
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device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
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 does harm to personal
health
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 physical nature and essence,
whatever
Correct word choice
whether
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 young adults or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aged people. Especially for the former, because they are growing with numerous organs and parts being immature, it is more likely to
be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from endless exposure to screen
time
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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, mental
health
Use synonyms
 cannot be ignored. It is obvious that some TV programmes are full of
horric
Correct your spelling
horrific
, fake and
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
 information, like violence, gambling and so forth.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 fail to distinguish what is positive and negative
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of their immaturity
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 mentality, and they tend to have the possibility to commit
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 if they
emitate
Correct your spelling
imitate
such
Linking Words
 negative information and put them into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality.
In contrast
Linking Words
, readings should be attached importance to every family since reading a majority of books can cultivate our
To conclude
Linking Words
, parents' limitation of
time
Use synonyms
 on watching TV and playing online games would be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 appropriate selection for
children
Use synonyms
's physical and psychological
health
Use synonyms
. Alternatively, doing some readings is of
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences and supporting details that logically flow from one idea to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
task achievement
For task achievement, extend and fully develop your main points with relevant examples and explanations. Address all parts of the prompt thoroughly, ensuring that your opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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