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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #world’s #three #producers #four #dairy #products #summarise #features #comparisons
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The charts above
gives
Change the verb form
give
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 information about three countries or institutions
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 dominated
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 production of four dairy products, namely
milk
Use synonyms
, cheese, butter, and
milk
Use synonyms
 powder. The names of the top producers differ in each
products
Change to a singular noun
product
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. But interestingly, the European Union (
EU
Use synonyms
) remained
as
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apply
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one of the top contributors. It is evident that countries mostly
produced
Wrong verb form
produce
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milk
Use synonyms
. Sitting at the top, the
EU
Use synonyms
 produced a huge amount of
milk
Use synonyms
 in 2012 with the amount of 142,970 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 or
equals
Replace the word
equal
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 to 142,970,000 kg. Meanwhile, India followed by the United States produced less, 127,000 and 90,038 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 respectively. As for cheese products, the
EU
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 produces the most around 7,000 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the third top cheese
producers
Fix the agreement mistake
producer
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,
that is
Linking Words
 Brazil, only contributes 700 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
. The
EU
Use synonyms
's rank shifted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
butter and
milk
Use synonyms
 powder
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
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. It ranked second in the production of butter below India and above the United States and ranked third in the production of
milk
Use synonyms
 powder below China and New Zealand. In a nutshell, the
EU
Use synonyms
 dominate the world dairy
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
 alongside other countries,
such
Linking Words
 as India, China, New Zealand, and Brazil.
Submitted by abigailsaragih on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, eu, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dairy products
  • Producers
  • Cheese
  • Butter
  • Skimmed milk powder
  • Whole milk powder
  • Global production
  • Metric tonnes
  • Leading
  • Specialize
  • Volume
  • Trends
  • Geographical distribution
  • Significant
  • Comparisons
  • Dominate
  • Sector
  • Diversity
  • Contribution
  • Agricultural output
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