IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Increasingly, many young people are deciding to work or study in other countries. Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#people #work #study #countries #situation
The number of college students who tend to
travel
 overseas for
study
 or work has gone higher recently which is a positive thing as it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to have personal development and
also
 , different
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 exposure .
frist
Correct your spelling
First
, personal development is one of the positive reasons as When student
travel
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
study
 or work at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age the majority of them
travel
 alone so they have to rely only on themself to face different
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 challenges in a new environment , that means becoming self-independent
as a result
 they
becom
Correct your spelling
become
 more confidence in them self and their, abilities
for example
 18 years old student in some Arabic countries who have never
travel
 before feels more developed and mature after going to
study
 abroad .
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 different
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 exposure is another positive thing about it, as individuals will see different cultures taste their food and try their traditional costumes , learn how to speak their languages , learn about some of their beliefs and respect the
reglation
Correct your spelling
regulation
 in that country
as a result
 they become
open-mindedd
Correct your spelling
open-minded
about it , accepting multiple cultures perspective , having
such
 a cultural awareness .even when they leave back to their countries . for
instence
Correct your spelling
instance
 in some countries
fridays
Change the capitalization
Fridays
show examples
 is a weekend
holidays
Correct the article-noun agreement
holiday
show examples
 so shops would open half day only so
forenirs
Correct your spelling
foreigners
forensics
gose
Correct your spelling
goes
as well as
 locals to buy their needs early . Being abroad for
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period to
study
 or work has become popular among
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation , which is positive in my opinion as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to their personal development
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 chance for culture exposer
Submitted by hebadyala on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
It's crucial to have a clear structure to your essay with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay lacked a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, always start with a paragraph that introduces the topic and your view on it. Finish with a concluding paragraph that summarises your main points and restates your position.
coherence
Aim to present your ideas clearly and develop them coherently over the course of the essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs. Also, consider varying your sentence structures to improve readability and flow. Avoid run-on sentences and employ a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Introduce this idea at the beginning of the paragraph, then use the rest of the paragraph to develop it with explanations, examples, and arguments. Avoid mixing different ideas within the same paragraph, as this can be confusing for the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question. Your response should clearly state whether you believe working or studying abroad is positive or negative, and explain why. Provide relevant examples to support your points, ensuring they are detailed enough to effectively demonstrate your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: