IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most countries spend much money on education as they start to realize the importance of education. In your opinion, which two subjects are the most important for young people and which one is least important. (Subjects : Literature, sports, mathematics, economics, physics, history, music, geography).

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In recent years, the majority of
countries
Use synonyms
 have spent more funds on education
due to
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 the importance of
this
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 for our society. In my view,
Sports
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 and Mathematics are the most valuable
subjects
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 for the young generation
while
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music
Use synonyms
 is the least important among them. Government-embracing knowledge is a must and mandatory for all of us. I am vehemently in accord with the given notion. In
this
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 contemporary world,
this
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 is the era of Robotics and Artificial Intelligence.
People
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 for a comfortable life are attracted towards mechanics. Even in their day-to-day life activities, they analyze things whether at home or at the workplace.
For instance
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, in managing business at the corporate level or handling their own startup all have to need, knowledge of numbers. In fact, the technologies with which we are confronted today are only
due to
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 studying STEM-like
subjects
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.
Secondly
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,
Sports
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 are very important in
this
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 modern epoch because
sports
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 not only keep us healthy , and physically fit but
also
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 we have seen popular and eminent
sports
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 person, have made their own name.
Moreover
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,
this
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 subject fosters information about exercise, diet and medicine which may be beneficiary for
people
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 to know about the body, its function and diet. So our governing body should spend money on education, particularly on these
subjects
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.
Additionally
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, I think, the least most
countries
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 can spend on
music
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.
Music
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 has its own value and fame but
this
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 does not require any extra money.
Music
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 is always come from inside and quite spiritual. I do not mean that we should not need
music
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 or it's worthless but as compared to the above
subjects
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this
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 may be the least important.
Music
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 gives us peace, and mental clarity but providing more funds for it is not mandatory.
Countries
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 should give their preference to the most valuable things which help the society or make them strong in terms of today's needs. In conclusion, STEM
subjects
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 are extremely beneficial to uplift young
people
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.
Therefore
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,
countries
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 must spend money on
such
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 fields which makes their roots strong and enables their
people
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 to find new techniques and innovations. Indeed,
Sports
Use synonyms
also
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 have their own importance in
this
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 emerging world.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the subjects, but try to provide a more detailed overview of your key points to give the reader a clearer roadmap for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
While you offer some specific examples, they could be more detailed or varied. For instance, discussing particular STEM technologies or well-known sports figures would strengthen your argument further.
Language Use
Your use of varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures is commendable, showing a good command of the language.
Task Achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates the importance of the subjects discussed, providing a strong closure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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