ome people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion

While
some individuals opine that television, friends, and music significantly influence
kids
' development, others believe that family is still foremost in
this
case. Personally, I stand more with the latter statement as children mostly spend their time with family. It is somewhat true that
gadget
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gadgets
show examples
and offspring's circumstances can substantially impact one's personality since in
todays
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today's
show examples
modern era,
gadget
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gadgets
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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unseparatable
Correct your spelling
inseparable
with
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from
show examples
kids
.
Furthermore
,
younger
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the younger
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generation
are
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is
show examples
still in their stage of life where curiosity is
in
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at
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the highest level and the willingness
of trying
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to try
show examples
something new is unbeatable. To illustrate
this
, there
were
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was
show examples
news that a 10-year-old student stabbed her nanny just because he saw a thriller movie of a teenager doing so.
This
is
a
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apply
show examples
proof that
gadget
undoubtedly plays a role in children's way of thinking.
However
,
family
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the family
show examples
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
in the first rank in creating someone's mindset.
This
mainly
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is mainly
show examples
because
family
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the family
a family
show examples
has the most control
of
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over
show examples
how
kids
live their
life
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lives
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,
therefore
they can filter what kind of friends or technology can their child have.
For instance
, parents can set the television channel
into
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to
show examples
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
network
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networks
show examples
, set a time limit
in
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on
show examples
their
kids's
Remove the s
kids'
show examples
gadget
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gadgets
show examples
, or far more get them
in
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to
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a
high quality
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high-quality
show examples
school so that
kids
have a better
circumstance
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circumstances
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
this
thinking is partially justifiable, in my point of view,
although
many factors can highly create
kids
's
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
, parents still have more power in
this
situation.
Submitted by munthulbawuk on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the essay's logical structure is clear by using connecting words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument, improving the flow and cohesion of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a concise introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points by providing more elaborate explanations, deeper analysis, and synthesis of ideas to strengthen arguments.
Task Achievement
Respond completely to the task by covering all parts of the prompt thoroughly and ensure that the response directly addresses the question throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Present ideas comprehensively by delving deeper into the topic and explaining the how and why, not just the what.
Task Achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your points, making sure the examples are detailed and directly linked to the main arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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