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Band 4.5

Some people believe that the main benefit of international cooperation is the protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefits are in the world of business. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #benefit #cooperation #protection #environment #world #business
It certainly can not be denied that International cooperation takes many steps to protect their environment, and they are
abvious
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obvious
, as life has become easier and more convenient.
However
, some people feel that the main benefits are in the world business. It surely is debatable and both views
seems
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seem
show examples
 to hold water. But before coming to a
reasonal
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 conclusion, let us discuss both views. On the one hand, there could be a myriad of reasons why some people say that foreign aid works with the help of other countries to save the things
that
is
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are
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 very important to survive.
Moreover
, A good example to explain
this
 is our Prime Minister invited
thirty four
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thirty-four
show examples
countrie's
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countries
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head
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heads
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into
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to
show examples
 the G20 program in New Delhi
last
 year, to discuss
on
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apply
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the many important documentaries.
According to
 an
artical
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article
 published in The Tribune, a leading national newspaper in India, studies have shown that every foreign was very excited and
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to see all unity to work for the environment.
On the other hand
, some people might feel that these types of
meeting
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meetings
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is
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are
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 only for business benefits. It
is probably believe
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is probably believed
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 so because
department
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the department
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 works very
slow
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slowly
show examples
 and it takes too much time to implement.
As well as
,
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apply
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population
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the population
a population
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 can not believe
on
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in
show examples
 fake commitments. In conclusion, since both viewpoints hold water, it is difficult to favour one argument. But I do feel that every government
takes
Correct your spelling
makes
show examples
best
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the best
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decission
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decision
decisions
 to protect
their
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the
show examples
 public from environmental situations, and that should be very important to do.
Submitted by vmretail14 on

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Introduction
Your introduction provides a reasonable base for the essay, but it lacks a specific thesis statement articulating your own viewpoint. Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to address the prompt effectively.
Body Paragraphs
In the body paragraphs, aim to develop each viewpoint with specific examples and clear explanations. The content could be improved by expanding on the reasons behind each viewpoint and by supporting these reasons with concrete examples, which were somewhat lacking.
Logical Structure
You should work on developing a more logical structure by organizing your ideas more effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting details.
Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, which clarify the main point of the paragraph and make the essay more cohesive.
Conclusion
The conclusion should summarize both views discussed and restate your own opinion more emphatically. Also, avoid introducing new reasons or arguments in your conclusion.
Examples
Providing relevant, specific examples is crucial for substantiating your points and increasing the persuasive power of your essay. Try to incorporate more detailed examples that are directly related to the viewpoints discussed.
Task Response
Ensure that the discussion of both views and your opinion is balanced. The essay should also fully respond to all parts of the prompt, including a clear discussion of both views and a detailed explanation of your own position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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