IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn about this distinction To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

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It is essential for
children
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 to learn about right and wrong things. Because at an early age, they do not have
experience
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the experience
show examples
 to differentiate it. So it is necessary to teach the distinction by using punishments.
This
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 essay
agree
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agrees
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 with
this
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 statement because
,
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apply
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children
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lack
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decision making
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decision-making
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 ability and hormonal imbalance.
Children
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 are poor at
decision making
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decision-making
show examples
 because of their inexperience and
lack
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 of knowledge about
decide
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deciding
show examples
 whether it is right or wrong.
However
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,
parents
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 and teachers play an important role as a guide to help the
children
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
understand the difference by using some sort of punishment.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays
children
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lacks
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lack
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 focus on
studies
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their studies
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 because of distractions around them like
videogames
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video games
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 and mobile devices.
They
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They are
They were
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 addicted to
this
Linking Words
 platform because of their poor decisions to focus on activities which does not provide any kind
to
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of
show examples
 value.
Furthermore
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, in earlier childhood days they go through
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of hormonal changes.
This
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impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 the child's ability to differentiate things so it is essential to communicate and teach them good habits by using sort of punishment.
For instance
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, countries like Ireland
lack
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 restrictions for
children
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 to use drugs,
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At in
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in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early age they do not know about drugs and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 impact at all so,
parents
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 should punish their
children
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 to get out of bad behaviour.
Moreover
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,
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to teach and guide
children
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 about good behaviour.
Parents
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 should use some punishment to teach it by restricting the use of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
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children
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children's
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 mobile devices.
Likewise
Linking Words
, teachers should punish them
to teach
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for teaching
show examples
 good behaviour by
suspend
Wrong verb form
suspending
show examples
 and
dismiss
Replace the word
dismissing them
show examples
 from schools. In conclusion,
children
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lack
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ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to differentiate right and wrong things and their hormonal changes so I agree that it is necessary for teachers and
parents
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 to teach them good habits by using sort of punishments.

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction establishes a clear opinion and sets the stage for the arguments to follow.
structure
Work on providing a clear logical structure to your arguments, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
examples
Support main points with specific, relevant examples to effectively illustrate your arguments.
task response
Aim to develop a clearer, more nuanced position, acknowledging other viewpoints where appropriate.
cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
conclusion
Craft a conclusion that restates your opinion and summarizes the main points made in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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