IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this pratice?

#children #time #tv #pratice
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays some
children
Use synonyms
 spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 watching
TV
Use synonyms
 shows programs, It appears that positive and negative of
this
Linking Words
 event.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide both points of view about that statement. On the one hand, there are a lot of advantages to watching
TV
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 receive a mount of information that they cannot get at primary school. People watch the news or educational content to learn about anything all around the world not only happening in their country.
secondly
Linking Words
, there is a commonly attractive education for
children
Use synonyms
 to add their knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
,
TV
Use synonyms
 programs who explaining about how products can be produced
such
Linking Words
 as production
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cheese, clothes, and so on.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Television can be provided with more acceptable for kids.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who excessively spend their
time
Use synonyms
 watching
TV
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have disadvantages.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can lose their
time
Use synonyms
 to socialize with others and
this
Linking Words
 becomes a problem because the kids lose
time
Use synonyms
 to play. which is disadvantageous for
children
Use synonyms
's development because
children
Use synonyms
In addition
Linking Words
,
Children
Use synonyms
 should play with the same age for physical development. They should be more active and rise normally. In conclusion, Television gives some positive things to
children
Use synonyms
 with learning content.
However
Linking Words
,
Children
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 restricted from watching a lot because
children
Use synonyms
 should socialize with friends nearby house to develop their motorist and intelligence.
Submitted by fiez97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve in task achievement, it's important to directly address the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The response should clearly state a position and have a more focused and organized development of that position. Ensure that both sides are discussed but also clearly conclude which side is stronger based on the arguments presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
In coherence and cohesion, develop clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas. Aim for a more structured approach to paragraphing, with clear introductions and conclusions for each paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: