Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#people #children #phones #school #minutes

There is an ongoing

debate

circulating on whether adolescents should be allowed to have mobile

phones

. I think both sides of the

debate

present some considerations that are totally understandable which makes it an interesting topic to be talked about. The main concern why young people need to

be refrained

Wrong verb form

refrain

show examples

from having

phones

is because there is a tendency for them to get addicted and attached to their

phones

. There are a lot of fun and intriguing activities offered by the technology. They could access streaming platforms, games, and social networking applications with their

phones

. Those activities could steal most of their time and

Wrong verb form

detach

show examples

detached

Wrong verb form

detach

show examples

them from

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real life which will be very concerning and bad for their social life. Speaking from experience, having

phones

could benefit children

Change preposition

show examples

their studies and help them to communicate with their parents. I used to struggle a lot in Mathematics,

thankfully

Correct word choice

but thankfully

show examples

one mobile application made it possible for me to pass that subject. The application could capture and solve an equation whenever I was stuck on

a certain mathematics questions

Correct the article-noun agreement

certain mathematics questions

a certain mathematics question

show examples

. Not only that, having

phones

made it easier for my parents to reach me through messaging applications or with one call away. It

also

went the other way around. The

debate

on whether children should be given a phone or not will always be an ongoing

debate

with no end since the pros and cons have their own strong stances. What is clear is that when children are trusted with

phones

, the older ones have to teach them

Change preposition

apply

show examples

how to use them wisely so that they could benefit from them and

Change preposition

apply

show examples

not develop a bad habit that could affect their quality of life.

Submitted by abigailsaragih on Thu Jan 18 2024

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Support and Development

Develop your main points more extensively. Each point you raised, such as addiction and the benefits for studies, could be explored in more detail with more examples or explanations.

Structure

Work on the logical structure of your essay. Aim for a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed coherently.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Make sure to state the topic and your opinion more clearly in the introduction and summarise your main points in the conclusion.

Cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively and improve the cohesion of your essay.

Task Response

Make sure you respond to all parts of the task equally. In this essay, more focus on the reasons behind each viewpoint and a clearer statement of your own opinion would strengthen your task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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1Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Minimize
Distractions
Prohibit
Cyberbullying
Inappropriate
Encourage
Social interaction
Educational apps
Safety tool
Emergencies
Responsible use
Balanced approach
Restrictions

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Fully explain your ideas

The number of international conferences in three cities.

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on TV and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Many people put their personal information (address, telephone number,...) online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.