IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people argue that if children behave badly, their parents should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Evil, wicked, spoiled.

#people #children #parents #responsibility #behavior
A growing interest in
children
’s
behaviour
 has been highlighted over the past decades. From
this
 aspect, questions about if
children
 behave badly, their
parents
 should accept obligation and be punished for the
behaviour
 of their
children
 arise. In my opinion,
parents
 should accept responsibility and
also
 be punished to some extent. Irrefutably,
children
 follow parental supervision.
This
 is because, unlike in the past,
parents
 who experienced parental
obligation
Fix the agreement mistake
obligations
show examples
 and punishments attempt conversations to find out the reasons for their
children
's spoiled
behaviour
 and educate precise solutions to prevent similar situations.
This
 obviously leads
children
 to repent their mistakes and
this
 in turn improves their sense of morality for
children
. What is more,
although
 not all bad
behaviour
 can be prevented,
children
's bad actions are reduced. In actual fact, domestic studies undertaken by experts have revealed that
parents
 who recognise parental responsibilities strive to educate what is right from wrong and discipline their
children
 when they behave badly.
This
,
therefore
, encourages
children
 to understand the severity of wicked
behaviour
.
Nevertheless
, suitable measures are needed for
children
.
In other words
, since
parents
 often struggle to control their
children
, parental obligation and punishments would not always be effective,
therefore
children
 who are out of control from
parents
 are less likely to repeat similar wicked behaviours against other individuals. To recapitulate, suitable measures are needed for
children
 but
children
 experience parental supervision, and
children
's bad actions are reduced.
Thus
,
parents
 should accept responsibility and
also
 be punished.
Submitted by subin12260 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt, make sure to elaborate more on your main points using relevant and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs and ensuring clear, smooth transitions from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task and presented a clear opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • behavioral accountability
  • moral compass
  • juvenile delinquency
  • parental involvement
  • individual accountability
  • pivotal role
  • unfairness
  • delinquency
  • legal challenges
  • strain on relationships
  • societal benefits
  • determining the extent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: