The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There have been ongoing debates regarding whether
science
should be concentrated
to enhance
Change preposition
on enhancing
show examples
the well-being of human beings,
while
some believe that it is not a crucial responsibility of scientists. I personally agree with the former argument and the reason why I believe that the first priority of
science
is to improve the quality of life will be elaborated on in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it is sensible for some to claim that there are a lot of essential issues
besides
well-being.
For instance
, during World War 2, the government in numerous nations allocated enormous budgets to
science
in order to improve weapon and satellite technologies without caring for people's lives.
This
is possible seeing that the great power tried to become the dominant in the world.
Conversely
, even though World War 2 has ended, military technologies have become ubiquitous to households. Take the U.S.,
for example
, the state found that satellite technologies have the potential outcome to enhance people's lives.
For
this
reason, numerous private companies researched
this
innovation, which led to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet technology.
Moreover
, scientists play a crucial role in the food industry. To put it simply, various foods for daily life are often improved processes regarding enhancing nutrients,
such
as higher proteins, and lower calories. From
this
perspective,
science
became one of the most crucial for evolving human beings seeing that everything on the planet engages with
science
in some way. In conclusion,
although
, it is undeniable
reserchers
Correct your spelling
researchers
should be more focused on other issues, numerous problems are related to the quality of life.
Thus
, the government level and individual level should stimulate the
science
industry in order to enhance capable individuals in the long run.
Submitted by phumrapee33 on

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task response
Ensure that all examples and points are directly related to the main argument of improving people's lives through science. Your example from World War 2 was relevant, but the connection to well-being could be more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
Work on enhancing the clarity and development of your ideas. Some points need to be elaborated further to fully convey your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability. Some sentences are complex and could be made clearer.
task response
You have a clear position and argument, and you have provided relevant examples to support your points.
coherence
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and paragraphs that follow a logical sequence.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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