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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
The line graph shows the proportion of
people
 from four Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020, with prognostication for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, it can be seen that the percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in four different countries increased over the period. The Indonesian
people
 were the lowest in 1970,
however
, the proportion of the community from Malaysia will be the highest
at the end
.
To begin
 in 1970
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
people
 from
Correct article usage
the Philippine
show examples
Philippine
Fix the agreement mistake
Philippines
show examples
 and Malaysia
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 approximately 30% and
following
Change preposition
in following
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 50 years
Philippines
Correct your spelling
Philippine
show examples
people
 fluctuated with
prediction
Correct article usage
a prediction
show examples
 they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be around 50% in 2040.
While
, the proportion of the population from Malaysia just increased over the period and it will be more than 80% in 2040.
Furthermore
, Indonesian
people
 stood at around 12% at the beginning, which was 75% less than Thailand's community at the same time. The population of Indonesia significantly rose until 2020 and it will continue to increase in the next 20 years, which will be in the second place between the countries.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the percentage of Thailand's
people
 gradually increased in the
next
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
following 50 years and it is forecasted to be the lowest in 2040.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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