IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree?

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Activities
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 done in groups or teams can teach more important skills for life compared to
activities
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 done alone. I will outline in
this
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 essay why I agree on the importance of
group
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activities
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. First and foremost,
group
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 and
team
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activities
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 will strengthen social behaviour and
team
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 spirit.
Moreover
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, being in a
group
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 enhances empathy and acceptance of others, which plays a major role in personal and business life.
In addition
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, participating in a
team
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 requires every
team
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 member to support each other and target the same goal.
For example
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, in a racing
team
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, each member has certain roles and they need to fulfil the right tasks at the right time and often even in the right sequence to let the
team
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 win the race.
On the other hand
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,
activities
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 done alone do not enhance any of the already mentioned skills and can lead to serious behavioural shortcomings if practised too excessively.
Furthermore
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, it can be observed that in families with only one child, a higher tendency towards those
activities
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 exists.
For example
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, many kids like to play computer games alone every day for hours, which makes them secluded from society and,
therefore
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, not develop important social skills. In conclusion, preferring
group
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 and
team
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activities
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 like soccer, cricket or singing in a chorus over
activities
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 done alone brings many benefits. Attending
team
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activities
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 is very important for children and parents should provide sufficient time for it in their kid's busy schedules.
Finally
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,
team
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 and
group
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activities
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 should be part of every human's
activities
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your logical structure in the essay is generally good, but can be improved by providing clear transitions between ideas and ensuring a more consistent flow throughout the essay. Focus on using linking words effectively to guide the reader from one point to another.
coherence cohesion
You successfully included both an introduction and conclusion which is commendable. Try to ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points discussed and reiterates your position without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
You presented main points to support your argument, but they could be further enhanced by deeper analysis and more varied sentence structures. Aim to expand on your points with additional detail or perspectives to add depth to your argument.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided a clear response to the prompt. You could further improve by ensuring every aspect of the prompt is addressed comprehensively, leaving no room for ambiguity about your stance.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, and you articulate your agreement with the statement well. Work on making your reasoning more comprehensive by exploring potential counterarguments and providing a balanced view.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is good, but they could be made more relevant and varied to enhance the persuasiveness of your essay. Incorporating a range of examples from different contexts will improve the depth of your argument and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication skills
  • problem-solving
  • collaboration
  • conflict resolution
  • leadership
  • accountability
  • social connections
  • networks
  • adaptability
  • empathy
  • diverse personalities
  • real-world environments
  • team dynamics
  • group cohesion
  • interpersonal skills
  • delegation
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