IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

#parents #children #home #school
The majority of parents prefer to
home
Add a hyphen
home-school
show examples
school
 their children than sending them to
school
.
However
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the benefits of going to
school
, outweigh
home
 schooling.
Nevertheless
,
this
 essay will dig deeper
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 both sides. If learners attend classes they improve their social skills by interacting with other students and teachers.
For instance
, they get psychological help if lagging behind in some developmental factors as compared the classmates . Pupils will benefit from physical activities since they will be engaging in sports at
school
.
In addition
, leadership traits are developed and nurtured at
school
 when given roles in sports, clubs etc.
On the other hand
,
home
school
 has
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
benefits like children are not influenced by their peers to participate in mischievous behaviours like smoking at a young age.
Furthermore
, students at
home
 get more focused attention from teachers
in contrast
 with their peers
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
show examples
school
 system.
To conclude
,
while
 some positives can be attained from studying at
home
 there are
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 as compared to those of
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
school
 system.
Submitted by mj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Your essay lacks a clear introduction that establishes the topic and your viewpoint. Make sure to start with a clear thesis statement that sets the direction for your essay.
logical structure
Your main points require clearer development and more explicit connections between them. Transition words and phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments.
conclusion
Include a well-defined conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position clearly, providing closure to the essay.
complete response
To fully respond to the task, make sure to address both the benefits and drawbacks equally and present a clear argument as to why one outweighs the other.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay should include more comprehensive explanations and a clearer development of ideas. Avoid making broad statements without sufficient explanation.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific examples that are relevant to the points you're making. This helps to support your arguments and make them more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: